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Legendary 70’s porn stallion Harry Schlongensack was found dead this morning at his home in Rancho Del Dildo, CA.

Preliminary reports from authorities cite a tox screen which reveals that he had been abusing a potent cocktail of Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra which caused an erection lasting for more than 72 hours that ultimately lead to cardiac arrest.

Funeral services will be held at Big Al’s Porn, Pawn, Brothel, Bar & Grill in Cornhole Junction, IA on Saturday night.

Schlongensack starred in over 100 films between 1970 and 1980 – most notably the erotic classic Into The Bush.

He is survived by a son, Seymour Schlongensack, and a daughter, Ivanna Schlongensack.


The question over this man’s religion has gone on for far too long so let me just end this silly arguement once and for all.

Obarfbag is NOT a Muslim.

If you’re inclined to think that he is then I’d suggest you take a look at his wife and daughters and then think about it justĀ one more time.

That being said, he’s certainly no Christian either.

It’s common knowledge that his membership in Wright’s so-called Church was for nothing more than political gain and if he were to ever convert to Islam then it would no doubt be for the exact same reason as we still observe that he doesn’t take Christianity seriously.

With apologies to Ann Coulter, neither is he an atheist.

How do I know this?

Well, isn’t it blatantly obvious?

He’s clearly a man who sees himself as being God!

In other words, his religion is his own ego, selfishness, and lust for power.

Refering to Tammy Bruce’s astute assessment about malignant narcissism, everything is all about him!

On the bright side, at least the real God doesn’t think he’s Obama.