Special thanks to Nicole for snapping the shot

 By Damian

Sandi came into my life – and my hair – a little over a year ago. What a wild ride it’s been. Our sweet Sarah was selected as the Republican VP nominee, and now we’re a part of the fight to recruit her to defeat the Obama Menace.

Sandi is smart, sassy and a demon in the sack. She will gladly be your friend, but if you cross her, she will twist off your junk, play it like a fiddle, then send it to your family and friends – in pieces.

South Dakota is a rather misleading State geographically, since Sandi is always on top of her partner. Chips, dip, chains and whips are the name of the game, and it is strictly pants-optional.

That having been said, GET IN THE BASEMENT, NOW!!!  NO TALKING TO THE HOUSEBOYS!!!

By Erik

For more than a year now, Sandi Galligher aka Metalgirl_1 has been my closest friend and confidant. Her contributions to this blog have been prolific, brilliant and always hilarious. Although she is currently on hiatus, scouring the far reaches of the globe in search of fresh new houseboys as if Damian and Cheesy weren’t enough trouble as it is, I would like to take this opportunity to salute her as she begins her 44th year of gracing us with her marvelous presence. The more grateful souls among us know a true gift from the Lord upon baring witness. God bless you, Sandi. We love you more than you’ll ever know.

PS : A birthday is always a good excuse to post a thread.

Howdy folks.  I’m sorry that I haven’t posted in a while but I’ve spent the last several months being chained to a desk in an Obama supporters basement.  Apparently they did not like it when I told them that I DID NOT vote for the Messiah.  But all is well and I was able to escape from Mr. Olbermann’s abode.  I wanted to talk about something that is really pissing me off.  That is the asinine behavior of other college students like myself.  Thankfully I will be graduating in mid-May so I won’t have to experience this directly for much longer but I can not stand how so many people with NO common sense and NO wisdom due to absolutely NO life experience can proclaim to know everything there is to know about life and the world at  large.  If your parents have supported you your entrie life and if you’ve NEVER had to a.) hold a job, b.) pay taxes, or c.) support a family, then you have absolutely no right to tell other in some cases much older people that you know everything about life and that they know nothing.  After living with so many people like this over the last four years it is very easy to understand why my 58-year-old father detests college students.

P.S. It’s good to be back. I’ve certainly missed other RedEye cretins like myself.  Also my sister and dad are now sick perverted RedEye fans like myself.  I was able to convert both of them.  Hopefully this is a sure sign that the fanbase is slowly getting larger.

We’re getting rather sick and tired of all these so-called conservatives who lack the courage of their convictions and would suggest that our finest leader isn’t beyond reproach.

If you’re so cowardly and weak-minded as to let the libtard bullies destroy your confidence in the next Reagan with their lies, then shut your stupid pieholes and get the hell out of the way.

The media treated The Gipper with the same disgusting disrespect and we all know how that turned out.

Yes we can?

We’ve got a better one for you.

YES WE WILL!!!

I know 72 virgins that are going to be very disappointed.

The religion of piece of ass has now had it’s greatest weakness exploited by our CIA.

A 60-year-old Afghan warlord spilled more than just the beans on the Taliban after being given one little blue pill for each of his 4 much younger wives.

What’s really important is that we shouldn’t stop here.

In addition to the highly over advertised and even more overused boner pill, we should be flooding the entire middle east with porn, stippers, prostitutes, sex toys, fast food joints, alcohol and, of course, as many pork products as we can spare.

We’ll know we’ve won when we have fat, drunken pig farmers with herpes in Mecca.

After all, their carnal knowledge of other species shouldn’t be limited merely to goats.

Allah willing, they’ll wait until the barnyard sows have reached full maturity.

There are dungeons beneath the palace of wisdom and one would certainly not want to be fat, weak, diseased and addicted upon arrival. Prudence demands that we adhere to helpful teaching and reject the destructive but how does one balance this with pursuing a road of excess? The answer is as much in a house of worship as it is at the bottom of a bottle. It is as much in a history book as it is in a cookbook. It resonates in grandpa’s war stories just as much as it does in your own carnal instincts. I suppose the trick is, as I have done, to jump ship just before you sink with the rest of the boat. When I walk through that threshold and the doorman greets me, I’ll think to myself that I wish I’d learned just one more lesson from my father’s mistakes. Then, I’ll ask where the vodka is. 3 out of 4 ain’t bad. In the end, the human brain is much like a goldfish. It will grow in proportion to it’s environment. Does this make any sense? Hell no and it’s not supposed to. Get it?

Maher shows his true colors about 8 1/2 minutes into this.

If this dirtbag wanted to make any accurate references as to what Godless societies are really like, he’d have cited true examples such as China or Soviet era Russia.

The fact that he didn’t clearly indicates that he’s either grossly uneducated or just perpetuating foul deceit.

So tell us Bill, which is it?

This years birthday present will be just as good as last years as An American Carol is released in theaters on Oct 3rd. A mockery of the planet that made No. 3 on our still unpublished list of the 50 most annoying liberals in America is sure to please. Coincidentally, 3 is also the number of undisclosed national fast food chains that Moore single-handedly keeps in business. It’s also rumored to be the number of swine he calls a snack as well as how many times he flunked Phys. Ed. Hats off to the few brave souls in the commie bastion of Hollywood who had the courage to make this film. We should honor their efforts by making this movie a huge blockbuster thus sending a crystal clear message to the rest of that town about what we expect from them. Anyone who doesn’t dish out the cash to buy tickets for the whole family is worse than Moore himself directing a film sympathetic to Hitler starring George Clooney, Kathy Griffin, Danny Glover, Charlie Sheen, Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, Alec Baldwin and none other than Sean Penn as the furor!

Carefully considering his options, Otis Green is an aging baby boomer and a guy so nice that even his houseboys like him. He usually spends most of his time sitting in his tree house, enjoying his herbal remedies and watching the world go by but something has come up. A bizarre infection is forcing him to go to the doctor and he is told that he must first bathe in order to receive care. Unfortunately, soap is a rare commodity in Rancho Del Dildo, California, especially at the end of the month when one can’t trade an entire pound of pot for even a single bar. Fearing the end may be near and wanting to recapture his youth, he hitchhiked to the nearby bay area and began frolicking around where he happened upon one Sunshine Streisenberg in a local coffee shop. Being a woman of comparable age and mindset, the two quickly hit it off and she soon after convinced him to go skinny dipping. In one swoop miracle, all his problems were solved. Their companionship wouldn’t end there. Despite having breasts which had suffered the toll of never having known a bra, he quickly fell in love with her. The two now spend their days cultivating various plant life while feeding and fighting for the protection of the increasingly endangered squirrel in an effort to stop global warming.

Ahhhhhhh!

By Erik

I was sitting at my computer early one morning and working on my web page that I felt was less than adequate at the time. I had the TV in the room across the hall turned up so that I could listen to F&F while I was entrenched in the tech madness. Little did I know that my online activities would soon be the absolute least of my concerns. Shortly before the show was over, word came in about the first plane hitting one of the Twin Towers. I immediately abandoned the work at hand and ran across the hall to park myself in front of the tube where I sat for several hours without so much as getting up to grab a beer or a bite. My stomach hasn’t forgiven me to this very day. About 6 months later, I went back to work on my web page again but couldn’t do so after looking at the date on all the files.

By Sandi

I had just dragged my butt out of bed that morning to get ready for work, and was still shaking off the sleep and waiting for the coffee to be ready when I looked at the tv down in the den andsaw that a plane had just hit the first Tower. I guess it’s because I was still trying to wake up that I thought that I was watching a new trailer for a movie soon to be released. Then the second plane came screaming through the city andplowed right through the second Tower. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! This couldn’t be real could it? “My God, what the hell is going on”, I thought to myself. Then when it sunk in that this was a terrorist attack on our country, I felt sick to my stomach. Then when the Towers collapsed and crumbled into dust, I had a feeling of panic, sadness, and nausea that still bothers me to this day every time I see footage of what happened. This was the most senseless, heartless, evil, cold blooded thing that has ever happened in our country’s history. Thousands of people died that day for no reason other than they got on a plane that was taken over by madmen. The feelings I had that day come back just as strong every September 11, and they always will. 

By Bryan

5-25-2001:  I graduate High School.

A month after that, my mother and step-dad had already planned a trip up to NYC and the New England area. I mention I’ve never been on a flying vacation with them and they said that’s right, so why don’t you tag along as your graduation present. I say Hell Yes! 

We go to CT, MA, VA, DC, RI, DE, NJ, andlast but not least, NY. We spend a few days in NYC. The 2nd day there, we go to the World Trade Center. We go inside and take our picture down in the lobby only to be overcharged to pick it back up again, but we pay for it. Between that picture and picking that up, we go to the top. We go to the small little eateries at the top and do some tourist shopping. I go outside on the observation deck. While I’m up there I invite my mother and step-dad to join me. They do. On the top of the WTC at the observation deck, there is a looking glass thing where you pay $.50 or something to look out of binoculars at the city. I pay the $.50 and look across the way to the Empire State Building. There are people out there doing the same thing looking at my direction. I wave, and they see me, all the way across town, and they wave back. That same trip, we spent 4th of July in NYC on the river watching the fireworks.

9-11-2001

It’s my first year away at college and I’m a freshman at Florida Southern College located in Lakeland, FL. It’s a wretched Tuesday which means I have an 8 a.m. class… Western Civilization II, with a boring monotone professor. Normally I would have skipped but I went that day. I stumble out of bed and put on my red college t-shirt, khaki shorts, and sandles. I quickly go to the cafeteria and grab a bowl of cereal and some toast, and I munch that down just in time to make it to class. I sit through class and the class ends, andI walk to my secondclass that day which was Intro. to Criminal Justice… on the way to class a friend caught me before I go in and asked if I had heard what happened in New York. I say yeah, of course (because a week or two before the events happened a sky jumper landed his parachute on the torch of the Statue of Liberty.)  I walk into class and only then did I grasp what he was talking about. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing from my classmates. So, class ended and I rushed back to the dorm hall and watched it on TV I couldn’t believe what I saw… the towers have collapsed. I rush upstairs to my room and grab the phone and dial the calling card andcall my mother. She answers “Hello”. I say “Holy shit.” That’s the first words out of my mouth to my mother after this. I was so confused as to what was going on. It was my first time really away from home. I talk to mother for about 15 min. Then I start calling other family members to talk to them. The time then passed on to about 2:00 p.m. andI was outside looking at the sky trying to joke with people that hopefully the terrorists weren’t going after the biggest collection of Frank Lloyd Wright architecture. I couldn’t believe that no flights were going to happen for a few days. Disney shut down. Chicago mostly shut down. Los Angelesshut down. Everything around me was upside down. I didn’t know what to make of it. I couldn’t stop looking at the pictures of everything on TV and on the Internet. There was a crawl at the bottom of our student channel saying that our Resident Advisorscould counsel us. I needed someone to talk to. So, I asked him in my room at around 8:30 p.m. and we talked for a while and I cried andI cried to him. He was very understanding, but later then did I realize all I needed was a hug from my mother. That always seemed to make everything okay. So, that weekend, my mom and step-dad drove up to see me and I needed that so badly. I needed someone to hug and talk to and a friendly face. 

Present day:

I look back and think about what if…. what if the terrorists had attacked us the time I was up in NYC? What if they attacked the WTC while I was still inside? 

I think about what happened to the people who were working up there that day and the people I vaguely remember seeing when I was atop the WTC. How many of them died? I think about the people on the plans, what they thought when the plane was crashing in? I wonder if the people felt any pain. I wonder what it would have been like to escape from the building. I wonder what it would have been like to help people out. I remember the hardcore patriotism displayed by our fellow Americans. The lines at blood banks to donate to the people up in NYC. The red, white, and blue worn and displayed on peoples cars and clothes. The thing that gets me most: Looking at the walls of pictures left behind by family members trying to locate their loved ones, with their only hope being left to a picture on a wall, with what floor and company they worked on, and a telephone number — in hopes that some random stranger might see that flyer and recognize a face that they may have seen.

By Kitty

September 11, 2001 seemed like such a normal day to me. I was a happy go lucky “gaijin” living abroad…I went to work in the morning, had lunch with my co-workers, finished working, met friends for shopping-dinner-drinks-jokes, returned home for a little R & R before bed…andthen, around 10 PM, came the phone calls. A lot of phone calls. Asking if I were watching the TV. Everyone telling me how sorry they were. I turned on the TV, frantically flipping through the channels. So little information…surely I was misunderstanding what the announcers were saying. Then my Boss called…”get a taxi andcome down to the station NOW”  My friends/co-workers met me in the Control Room at the station. They were withme as I stared in shock at the collapse of the towers…they were with me as I cried seeing the horror replayed over andover…they sat withme all night long as we watched the various feeds from around the country…they dialed the phone for me for hours as I tried to contact my family in Ohio…they did their best to comfort andconsole me…they mourned with me. When “people” say how “hated” America is…I remember that night and the reactions of my Japanese friends. And I think about the days after, when total strangers would stop me on the street and express sympathy/support for me and my fellow countrymen.

Halfway around the world, in Japan, I felt completely helpless. I couldn’t believe what had happened. I was confused, and sad, and ANGRY!  But then, as I watched strangers helping strangers, and heard of the everyday heroes risking themselves for their Fellow Human Beings, and learned about the patriots of flight 93 who said NO to the terrorists at the cost of their lives…I felt PROUD. These were AMERICANS. They were strong, compassionate, selfless, and brave in the face of such evil. They, no, WE would not be broken by homicidal cowards. I was no longer a “gaijin”…I was an “Americajin”. And I thanked God that I was!