Porn Guru Reginald B. Stiffwell had an ass itch that refused to go away. He dug and he scratched and he dug and he scratched but his torment persisted. In search of a viable remedy, he first tried a cold compress but soon learned that it only worsened the problem as the twisted hair was now frozen into it’s uncomfortable position. He then tried using tater mits but was only left with a bloody mess and a few less layers of skin. This introduced a whole new set of problems for our now less than silent hero. Frustrated and given to temptation, he decided to employ the use of a prostitute who claimed to have the power of healing in her saliva. Again, hooker spit proved to be another useless excuse for a cure. At his wits end and desperate to the extreme, he then opened a bottle blackberry merlot and proceeded to get tanked. Within minutes, the agony ceased and his only remaining dilemma was differentiating between the blood and the booze. The moral to this story is that alcohol is the reason for and solution to all of lifes problems.

BOTTOMS UP!!!