The War For Houseboys

THIS IS A FOX NEWS ALERT!!!  Sources have confirmed that the Midget Mafia has launched an attack against the houseboy compound in Cornhole Junction, Iowa, in an attempt to illegally capture houseboys.  The Rainbow Brite Gang has claimed responsibility.  The Unicorn Army led by Unicorn Jones moved in to defend against the attack with the help of the Pegasus Special Forces, but were distracted by Fluffy McNutter in a red string bikini like Daisy Duke.  Or not…no…nevermind.  The Midgets and Daisy McNutter escaped with 9 houseboys, 3 ferrets, and an iguana named PooBoo, and fled to the Celine Dion Compound near Greasy Beaver Falls, Canada.  The Unicorn Army pursued the Polar Bear eating Canadian Midgets, but was stopped at the border by unicorn loving Canadian Mounties, and was then strip searched.  Sources say that the weapons used to capture the houseboys were feather dusters and rotten potatoes.  There were some casualties to report: 69 houseboys were frightnened, while only 21 wet their pants.  No word yet on whether Bill, Cheesy, or Damian was among the 21.  More on this story as it develops.

The Children of God

Matthew 5:9

We all know some of those who are among our nations true heroes. My own grandfather experienced all the love and care the Nazis had to offer as one of their guests. It’s all too easy for ungrateful liberal slime to berate the military and call them murderers when they should be getting down on their knees and thanking God for these people. They’re not the ones risking or losing their lives to protect that freedom or bring it to others who have never known it. War, like government, is often a necessary evil and sometimes the only means by which to obtain and sustain peace. Thus, our warriors are the peacemakers. No one ever said it was fun or pretty but someone has to do it. Should any of us ever fail to salute the ones that come home alive and honor the ones who didn’t, we’d be worse than the terrorists.

Support the troops and pray for them.

To Serve or Not to Serve

They can’t sell the lie that McCain is too old.

The lie about a McCain presidency being the same as another 4 years of Bush doesn’t seem to be working either.

So just in time for Memorial Day, Senator Tom Harkin of Iowa makes the most absurd and pathetic attempt to date at trying to disqualify the Republican nominee.

To suggest that McCain’s military service, as well as that of his father and grandfather, makes him dangerous not only insults him but every individual that has every risked their life to protect the country they love.

This is beyond dispicable!

Senator Harkin, lets put aside how ashamed you should be and the astonishing fact that the majority of past presidents have served.

Would you care to tell America who you voted for in the last 2 elections and if they had ever worn the uniform?

I’d bet the farm that it wasn’t Bush.

Shirts for Schulz

Sending pants seems useless since they’d be blocked by the table so I’m sending shirts.

I’ve already dug out a few ancient rags that are well stained and soiled.

We must all contribute to this effort as Bill’s wacky wardrobe is a staple of Red Eye hilarity that must live on.

Anyone who disagrees and doesn’t send in some hand-me-downs is worse than Hitler letting his great-grandmother dress him in nothing but chaps.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to the dumpster before they empty it.

Those who are not xenophobes may shop at Goodwill.

HOW TO WIN THE WAR AGAINST STRIPPERS

It has occurred to me as I’ve been watching the show lately that Greg has apparently dropped the segment about the war on strippers.  My question is, why?  I mean, this is an important topic to be addressed!  Strippers are a very important part of what makes this country great!  So anyway, I have a few thoughts that I’d like to share with all of you, just in case any of you have been wondering how the war is going and what you can do to help!   

As I mentioned earlier, strippers are a big part of what makes this country great!  You may be be asking, “How?” or “Why?”  Well I am here to tell you that it all has to do with a little thing I like to call Freedom of Pervocity!  If any of you have been to a strip club you will have noticed that there are a few things that make these places unique all to themselves.  For one thing, they all have a brass pole placed somewhere in the building, they all have some sort of stage and many chairs placed right in front, or all around the stage, also known as “Sniffers Row”.  Now not in all clubs, but in most there is a room which is separate from the rest of the club called ”The VIP Room” that is used for private dances, or lap dances.  That said, you must ask yourselves this question, “Why do men frequent these places?”  I will tell you.  Men frequent these places because they provide a service that maybe these men aren’t getting at home.  Strippers are providing fantasy, attention, relaxation of sorts, and strange as it may sound, self-confidence.  That’s right, self-confidence!  Not for all, but for quite a few, strippers enable men to be able to practice talking to women.  Some men are completely lost on how to talk to a woman, and although the conversation may not be deep and meaningful most times, it helps men get over the fear of speaking to a woman.  You see, visiting a strip club goes far beyond the realm of sex for some.  It actually has meaning and is a learning experience.  For others, it is an addiction. 

I asked a male friend of mine a couple questions to get a male perspective on this subject.  I won’t mention his name to respect his anonymity and privacy.  Here is what he had to say when asked what he thought the reasons were for a man to visit a strip club: “For me, I like to see live titties instead of porn sometimes.  Yes, for some it is an addiction, or a fake relationship because they can’t handle a real one.”  This is how he responded when asked if he thought that for some visiting a strip club went beyond sex: “For me, a strip club is entertainment of a sexual nature, but not really about sex.  For others, greasy bastards, it’s a lifestyle.”  I have to agree with him on his answers.  The “greasy bastards” as he calls them, actually I’ve called them worse things, come out to the clubs because the only way they can get a woman to talk to them is to pay them.  Now this is a legal way of doing that instead of paying a hooker.  Also, by visiting a club no diseases will be exchanged.   

So as you can see, strippers do indeed provide many different services for many different types of individuals.  It is very important to keep the stripper as part of our society, and as a tool to help some men learn how to socialize and communicate with the opposite sex.  What all of you can do, or those who enjoy it, is to visit your local strip clubs regularly and as I have said before in a previous post, BE NICE!   

Now then, we will win the war against strippers by keeping the stripper in the public forefront, and to keep stuffing 20’s into pretty girls panties!  Another way we will win is by standing up to the religious fanatics who keep preaching that this profession is “evil, and is degrading to women, and is quickly becoming the downfall of our society!”  WTF??  Let me address a couple of things about this statement.  Number one, these fanatics are the biggest hypocrites and most self-righteous bastards you will ever know.  Number two, they are also the KINKIEST bastards behind closed doors!  We can’t let these freaks tell us what is or isn’t good for us and our country!  If we cave to these pricks we will be giving in to their communist ideals!  This war CAN be won, and we WILL win if we ALL grow a pair, and stand up to these idiots!  And if you disagree with me, then you sir, are worse than Hitler without any $20’s!      

Witchcraft for a Bitch Draft

The most interesting story of last week sees Code Pink transforming from a treacherous nuisance into something that exists solely for our amusement. While it comes as no surprise that hairy legged women would be involved with the occult, the supposed use of the black arts as a last resort shows a pathetic degree of desperation. The combination of smelly, hairy pits and unwashed, unshaven 70’s style bushes has driven them all insane! If Code Pink devoted as much effort to their own personal hygiene as they do to their futile protests then their houses might be less likely to smell like barns. Instead, they choose to blame our brave military for the fact that they can’t get laid by man nor beast as opposed to really helping America by taking a shower. They make this stuff called deodorant that’s really cool too! Fox has provided a protest cam and if you don’t check it out, you’re worse than Hillary without Summer’s Eve Disposable Douche!

 

 

 

Bayh Polarizing

Last night, Democratic Senator Evan Bayh of Indiana stated that Hillary and Obama have different experience for being Commander-In-Chief.

ROTFLMFAO!!!

The sad thing is HE’S RIGHT!!!

There’s definately a difference between not much and next to none.

He then went on to repeat the same tired old liberal lie that “anything would be better than what we’ve had these past 8 years”.

Aside from the sheer idiocy of running against a president who isn’t even up for reelection, one must wonder if this puppet slept through the Carter Administration.

Senator, 4 years is a very long time for a nap or did it just take you that long to practice the aforementioned verbatim?

 

The Personification of Far Left Foolishness

Is it not frightening enough that so many have embraced a man whom they know nothing about as their Messiah without him having offered any explanation as to the means by which to achieve his lofty goals? Is it not creepy enough that people faint when in his presence? How stupid is Obama himself not to have realized that the company he keeps would come back to bite him in the ass? Did he really think that no one would call his associations into question when he decided to run for the White House? This man’s indiscretions make Slick Willy look like an unruly teenager and his policies make the Carter administration look like a warm, sunny day in the park. Last but certainly not least, anyone who can make Hillary look like the lesser of two evils is terrifying beyond words and the undisputed embodiment of all that is wrong with the socialist left.

Senator, I’m sorry.

Did I hurt your feelings or your failings?

Clinton and Obama what choice?

Clinton and Obama are both bad, almost as bad as McCain. However, Clinton and Obama want socialized medicine to help those that do have insurance. Let me see..How are they going to pay for this? I know raise taxes, why can’t people do like I do? I pay for my sons insurance and it isn’t bad like $78 a month better than something coming up and then me having to cough up the money for some broken arm.

These idiots and the mindless fools that are buying into their crap think they are getting even with those of us that work for a living. You increase government spending and raise taxes. Did these people not learn anything during the Reagan years? You lower taxes and guess what the revenues increased to the treasury. Imagine that.

Now I am not sure about Clinton but I know Obama has promoted raising the Capital Gains Tax. History has shown when that happens revenues fall, but does he care? NO because the mindless masses do not realize that they are investors most likely and will have to pay the increased taxes. The reasons they don’t realize this is that they think only the rich have investments. This isn’t true, I am sure they have some type of mutual funds and these will be subjected to this tax increase but hey they are stupid and want to screw the rich.

Obama is selling this and basically he is going to take the money from those of us that are productive citizens and subsidizing those that choose to not be productive citizens of the US. I say neither Clinton nor Obama is a wise choice. I am still not ready to back McCain because I tend to vote libertarian but this election is so close I may have to actually vote for McCain as I hold my nose.

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