The Strippers’ Voice

Hi everybody!  Ya know, I was thinking the other day, like I do sometimes, and a couple things occured to me.  Most guys that I’ve ever encountered just dont’ know how to act when they go to a stripper bar, so I thought of a few do’s and don’ts to help with those of you who are idiots.  OK?  Here we go…

1.  First and foremost, ALWAYS tip your waitress. Why?  Because at the places I worked at, they WILL do stuff to your drink, and because it’s just good bar etiquette.

2.  If you are sitting at sniffers row up at the stage, TIP THE GIRLS!!!  Otherwise, why the hell are you there??

3.  BE NICE!!!!  Do I really need to explain that one??  I mean, come on…

4.  If you are sitting at a table and one of the girls comes around to “entertain” you and your buddies, there are a few things you should NEVER EVER do!  For example, DO NOT EVER heat up a quarter with a lighter and throw it at the girls!  It isn’t funny, even though you may think it is in your twisted head, it isn’t.  I saw many girls get nasty burns on their more sensitive areas and had to be taken to the ER in some cases.  Jackasses.  Never try to grab the dancer by the g-string, or the hair, or the boobs,or the vag, or anywhere and here’s why: You will get your ASS kicked! haha!  Usually, both by the dancer and by the bouncer!  Believe me if your ass is gonna get kicked, you want it to be by the bouncer. HAHAHAHA!  Ok, sorry, just found that funny is all, anyway…to continue…

5.  When you go to tip the dancer, DON’T EVER stick a dollar in her g-string and try to pull out a twenty, again, you will promptly be beaten, and you will deserve it!

6.  Even though you will be most likely pounding drinks, stay in the here and now.  What do I mean by that?  The dancers aren’t there to meet the great love of their life in these places.  If they are, you have to wonder what their motives are don’t you?  Unless you WANT to be taken for everything you have.  I’ve seen it happen people!

7.  Do I really have to say NO HITTING??  Ok then…

8.  I noticed that most of you have nothing to say other than pick up lines.  Save it please.  You are not original, and by no means is it the FIRST time this girl has heard whatever it is you have to say along these lines.  Unless it is her very first day ever.  So please do not say, ” You got the purdiest big ol cow eyes I ever did see!”  or, “Are you a model?”  Trust me, you sound like a retard and like you’ve never even seen a girl before.  Just be yourself and act like a human and that in itself may get you laid.  No promises though. hahaha!

9.  If you are engaging in a private dance in the VIP room, please keep your dick in your pants.  Trust me, the dancer does NOT want to see it, nor in some cases smell it.  Take a bath you dirty bastards!  You know who you are!  Also, pay the girl BEFORE she begins.  She is already earning her money just by having to deal with you. 

10.  If you are sitting at sniffers row, and you have the bright idea to get up on stage with the dancer, JUST DON’T!  I mean, what are you gonna do up there?  Show off that nasty sweater-back of yours, or your hairy man-boobs?  Please spare all of us by just sitting the f*&# down and shutting the f*&# up!!!!  Again, you will get yourself beaten.

Well this is all I can come up with right now, when I think of something else I’ll put it out there to ya.  Oh yeah, the dancers are people too, and they are trying to make a living, so don’t make their job any harder than it already is.  If you think it’s easy money, it is not.  The bottom line…Just don’t be a dick, ok?  If you want to abuse someone then go home and abuse your houseboys!  That’s why you have them!!  Remember????

Few Observations…

Well allow me first to preface this article with me saying I’m not racist or bigoted in anyway.  These are simply true stories and observations.  STORIES: I have noticed that when black people say they want equal rights and to be desegregated they tend to not be true to their word.  I have noticed in several situations that when a group of diverse people are put into a situation the blacks tend to segregate themselves.  For instance at work, when in the break room the black associates tend to sit together.  On a bus, I was riding a bus and there was already a black couple sitting together and at a later stop a few more black people got on and decided to sit next to them without having seemed the two groups knew each other.  So, I ask, why did they fight so hard to be desegregated and they still choose to segregate themselves?  STORY/OBSERVATION:  I work with a girl who is going to school to pursue a degree in criminal justice.  She for a paper had to find a newspaper article of a crime/criminal and write 5 pages about the socioeconomic factors of the crime/criminal.  I told her all she had to do was simply find an article where the criminal was a young black man and the paper will basically write itself.  I hate to be brutally honest there but it’s true.  1 in 4 black men below the age of 30 are in jail/prison or have been in jail/prison.  It’s a shame that statistic has to be true.  I feel if more was done to help the family structure of the black community this statistic will dwindle dramatically.