As I’m sure everyone can guess, I’m bummed out because of Rudy dropping out of the race but life goes on. What’s really interesting is the choices we are left with. All four of the remaining viable candidates represent something important. We can choose the oldest person ever to take office, the first Mormon, the first woman, or the first African American. My overly analytical mind can’t help but wonder if this is just sheer coincidence, possibly due to the lack of an incumbent, or if there is something deeper here. As Rudy said, “Change is just a slogan but what kind of change are we looking for”? If there is truly a desire within our society to break new ground, are we going about it the right way? Are the remaining contenders just the ones who happen to have been dealt the best hand or is the mass sub-conscious at work here? Is it some combination of the two? Am I just talking out of my ass? Before you go to the polls, give everyone else a chance to know what you think about it regardless of your position. All that’s at stake is our future.
Monthly Archives: January 2008
I don’t think anyone has yet posted this question, so here it is: Are houseboys a tax write off??? I mean, do we count them as dependents???? I never thought to ask before. And how do we get them to stop their incessant whining???????? (Ricardo is such a bitch!!!)
I was watching SportsCenter the other day and one of the co-hosts was Kenny Mayne. After a short time I realized that he started to remind me of somebody. And then I realized it. Kenny Mayne looks like a hybrid of Alan Thicke and Simon Cowell. I wondered how could something like this possibly happen. Were the Canadians and the British conspiring against us? Or was this just a plot by the evil Bushcheneyhitlerburtonmonkeymcstupidhead complex that was designed so he could lead us into an illegal and immoral war against the British and our neighbors to the North? Anyway the resemblance between Kenny Mayne, and Alan Thicke and Simon Cowell is pretty unnerving.
Anyone with half a brain and decent education in history, economics, sociology and dare I say even psychology would know that the so called “New Deal” put in place by FDR was probably the worst piece of legislation ever enacted in this country. Entitlement programs tell people that they don’t have to be responsible because the government will pick up the slack for them when it most often can’t. I keep hearing the fear mongers telling me that I should be worried because “Socialist” Security is going bankrupt and it won’t be around for my generation when we reach retirement age. SO WHAT?!?! Like I give a flying fuck?!?! The sooner they scrap it, the better. I don’t need the government to look out for my finances and I certainly don’t need them sticking their noses up my ass and stealing half of my money. The “nanny state” isn’t coming. It’s been here for quite some time. This is not to say that there shouldn’t be programs in place to help people with legitimate disabilities who truly can’t help themselves but for any able bodied, able minded person, it’s not only a complete waste of time and money, it violates our personal freedom. Not only are we better equipped to take care of ourselves than the bureaucratic elements of our government are, we’re also better equipped to take care of the needy. So think about this before you cast your vote because if you disagree with me, you’re worse than Karl Marx!
Today is the 50th anniversary of Lego:
Legos are the greatest toy – ever. Have a drink in celebration of Lego. If only they had the Star Wars Legos when I was a kid. As soon as I get my hands on an XBox 360, I will be playing the Star Wars Lego games.
There are some sad realitys in tomorrows primary. First off, the complete meltdown of the Republicans, and the choices that are left to us. Each of the candidates, with the exception of Chuckleberry and the space alien (Paul) hold some decent qualities, but each to their own is a sad commentary on the choices. Shit! They make me long for Bob Dole!
Add to this the bribe, the stimulace package, and sabotaging the future for some pork today. Not that I’m complaining, and not that Idon’t like pigs. In fact, I’m planning on paying my property/school taxes with this “windfall.” So it’s like robbing Peter to pay Paul. IMO, they are both thiefs, so this kind of a twisted payoff has a rube goldberg logic to it.
I thought McCain was a good man eight years ago, but I’m not real wild about him today. Romney holds some fine qualities, but the golly gee stuff makes me cringe. Rudy? Poor guy, hasn’t grasped the 20 second sound bite so all he does is yell 9-11, and his message is lost. IMO, we should draft Sly Stallone, not only will everybody greet him with a yo adrein, but we’ll have some Rambo values to the mix. Next time Putin tries to pull a fast one, uh oh!
And if you don’t sgree with what I say, then you sir, are worse than Heidrich!
Pervalicious [per-vu-lish-us]
-adjective
1. Acknowledged by the individual or individuals in question as unnatural sexual thought, word, or activity but still immensely enjoyed by them.
Wondering where to go for your next vacation? Had enough of Disney and Six Flags?
Why not try this place: tinyurl.com/2yql7q
Sure Lithuania is a long way to go, but you can’t find a theme park like that in the U.S. The closest thing is probably Greg’s activity pit – but he’s booked solid till 2009!
And there’s nothing like spending a few hours in a Soviet era Gulag to help you appreciate the good life here in the states.
YES, you read it right!
NO, it’s not a joke!
Environuts here in West Virginia are lobbying against the coal industry, trying to make them stop mining for fear of displacing insects of all things. It makes you wonder how far these people will go. What’s next? Save the bacteria? The coal industry itself has responded with an ad campaign featuring a series of commercials running around the clock on almost every channel and airing about once an hour which debunk any concerns. You’d think that would put it to rest but there are too many people of older generations who are lacking a good education and allow themselves to buy into the “Big Evil Coal Company” party-line. I guess we’ll see what happens. I’ll keep you updated, assuming my electricity stays on. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must chop down a tree and slaughter an animal in protest.
I get hungry sometimes. I know it’s wrong but I just can’t help it. When I do get hungry, I like to eat. Again, I know I’m evil so crucify me! One of the things I like to eat when I get hungry is the flesh of dead animals. I know, I know, I’m going to hell! I also like to kill them myself. Yes, I’m Satan himself! I know that the moral thing to do would be to attempt to feed all 6 billion humans on earth with fruits and vegetables alone and ultimately die of starvation but I don’t care. I guess I’m just selfish. Then again, plants are living things too. We can’t eat them. Eat the dirt maybe? No, there are microorganisms. That would be immoral as well. I suppose the only moral thing to do is starve and I disagree so I must be worse than a cannibal. Wait a minute. Is cannibalism the moral thing to do? I don’t know. I just wish I could be as moral as all those wild animals that eat each other. Someone get me PETA on the phone ASAP! I need answers!
PS : Damn that evil food chain!
Mother nature is one sadistic bitch!
Hi everybody! I’d like to take the time today to talk about Pervocity, but first I’d like to say this…To all the Nancys out there who I’m about to offend: GET BENT! Ok, now that I have that out of the way, I feel better. I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but the definition of Pervocity differs from person to person. Everyone has a line that they won’t cross, and if you’ve done something that makes you feel icky inside, you’ve crossed a line. That said, there are sometimes when crossing the line is a good thing. The definition given here is my opinion only, based on my own experience. So all of you who are easily offended, and those who disagree can go F*#$ yourselves! Now that I’ve alienated my entire audience, I can continue.
Pervocity is a funny thing. What’s pervy to one person is just Wednesday to someone else. In my estimation and experience, I have to say that Pervocity is a very good thing. It gets a really bad rap however by those who take it to a icky place. For those of us who know how to exercise good judgement, it can be a wicked little adventure! I have found that the definition lies somewhere between right and wrong, and leans a little more towards the wrong side, but just enough to feel really good. It’s when you get to that place where you completely lose all inhibition, and just act on instinct. God I love that! Anyway, when a person reaches this point there really isn’t much that’s taken off the table. Indeed there are ways to help get to this point, but I’ll save that one for another post.
In closing, I will say that Pervocity is different for everyone. I will also say that in my experience it has been the best when I let my guard down and tried something new and unfamiliar. In fact, that is my recommendation to anybody who asks. Within reason of course. Also, you must have a willing partner! LOL! Sorry, I just found that funny. I’m still looking for a partner who’s willing to help me explore female ejaculation! LOL! No, seriously…anyway, If you’re wondering what the point of this post was, then keep thinking because I’m not sure either. I guess I needed a place to talk dirty or something. BTW- Still taking applications for HouseBoy…..Pervocity a must!
MiddleMan: What’s the worst thing about schools?
MiddleWoman: Parents. Parents are in charge and not the teachers or administration. And when anything happens there’s no backing for the teachers. There’s no accountability for the students. Teachers are accountable for test scores and behavior. It is never the fault of parents or students when the individual students do not succeed. “I pay my taxes, so why aren’t the teachers raising my children?” “I don’t want to be here, so I’m not going to do anything.” The parents want us to take care of their children, but take away any capacity for us to punish them. The administration doesn’t like the hassle of dealing with students who misbehave, so they ignore all but the absolutely worst kids, so all the kids suffer and no one learns anything. My job is to teach them math, not teach them how to behave. Besides once they get (to the seventh grade), they should know how to behave already. But since their parents haven’t bothered to teach them anything because they’re too busy or just can’t be bothered because children take to much effort to raise, the kids are nothing but mean and spiteful little brats who are more interested in being entertained than actually learning anything. I remember when I was in school, the kids who didn’t want to learn were at least quiet and kept to themselves for the most part, they didn’t have to scream and yell and jump around and disturb everybody else. These kids just have no self-control, and mommy and daddy and the administration just don’t understand why their test scores are so bad, even though they want US to be their kids’ parents.
(Note: This was a transcript from asking her, and is edited for content and incoherency, as this is one topic that makes my wife foam at the mouth.)
Here’s a revelation: I’m a 30 year old guy with a great job, no kids that are mine, seven that aren’t — and I’m happy.
Society might think there is something wrong with me because I’m not “following the norm”. By that I mean end up having 1 or 2 kids by different women by the time I’m 21 and working at McDonalds while hanging out with my dealer Eduardo on the side giving him tips on how to evade the police while most of my pay goes to child support…..and I live in my mom’s basement.
For some reason society has painted this picture that if you don’t do the same as everyone else, there is something fundamentally (or just mentally) wrong with you. That’s not so. Remember, if you are pointing your finger at someone you have 4 fingers pointed right back at you — if you’re using your hand, of course.
Society has yet to figure out that just because everyone else does something that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. It’s why assless chaps haven’t caught on — it’s so wrong yet so unbelievably right. We’re in a world where peer pressure trumps everything and if you don’t aren’t following in everyone’s footsteps then you’re going to be a failure in life — when in fact it’s the other way around. Let them sit there and work minimum wage jobs, knock up women, live with their parents and drop out of school — after all it’s the cool thing to do. While they’re doing that, I’ll be laughing at them. A lot. It’s what happens when I go into a store and see these young couples with 3 kids hanging of the sides of the shopping cart, running around, screaming and you know if you add the couple’s ages together it still doesn’t equal my houseboy Hung Lo. That should be telling.
This is why I prefer not having any of my own — for now. The ones that aren’t right now I can just return.
I must go. Eduardo just called me and asked me to meet him in the alley behind the Swift Stick. It must be something good.
Looking for opinions:
What happened to REAL AMERICA? The America as a country celebrated Christmas, the America were everyone wanted to be and PROUD to be AMERICAN.
What has happened and happening to this GREAT COUNTRY?
Why is the USA scrapping its tradition and roots?
Will we survive?
What makes you happy? Some of the things that make me happy are food, booze, sex and, of course, Red Eye but I wouldn’t want to be happy 100% of the time and I’ll tell you why. If someone were to be happy all the time, how would they even know it much less be able to appreciate it? How can you know that you’re happy if you don’t know what it’s like to feel like shit? Without the darkness, how would we recognize the light? Do you think a manual laborer is happy when he’s on the job? The answer is no but he’s happy when he gets home from work because he knows that he’ll be able to have dinner with his family, play with his kids, drink a few beers while watching the game and have sex with his wife before he goes to bed. So in a sense he’s happy to be miserable half of the day just so that he can enjoy the other half. So here’s my theory. Half the day one should eat, drink, fuck, be merry, jump for joy and say HALLELUJAH!!! The other half should be spent doing things one absolutely hates doing while constantly griping and bitching about how much the world sucks! If no one does the dirty work or complains about the problems, nothing will ever get better. In fact, things will only get worse and then you’ll feel like shit all the time. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to wash the dishes, vacuum the carpet, do the laundry, clean out the gutters, scream at my neighbors about their bratty kids, file a few lawsuits and write all kinds of angry emails. I’ll be back later with a steak dinner, a glass of wine and a housegirl. Her name is Catalina and she does things that porn stars can’t even do.
If I was a pack of cards, my deck would always be stacked.
This Sunday, and hopefully every Sunday, I’m going to be hosting a caged-troll thread over at my blog. So find the best trolls out there today, or create your own venom spewing alter-ego, and go absolutely hog-wild. I’m a big believer in the day of rest, and what better way to kick back and have a few laughs than to laugh at the most ridiculous people out there?
First off, I’d like to thank Dog for allowing me this great privilege, and responsibility. So, for my first post on the CrackHouse, I’d like to play a little game. I want you to read a little article I came across and tell me what seems, well a little weird.
Well, so much for that idea. I could’ve sworn that I read an article from the AP about the possibility Senators would interject or reject the stimulus package pretty much agreed upon by the House and the President.
The interesting thing of note in that article was the fact that the author (a female, I can’t place her name now, however) had placed the ages of all the major players in the article in parenthesis behind their names, even though it seemed hardly relevant to the article.
So, the new game is: did anyone else see this article? Where did it go? More importantly, how often are articles from the major news sources removed from the net? Or have I just slipped into one one of those hallucinatory states yet again?
Is anyone else concerned about Keith Olbermann’s impersonation of Edward R. Murrow. How does he get off saying “Good Night and Good Luck.” Eddie R. covered the blitz in London. Olbydouche kisses John Dean’s backside. He even turns away from the camera like Murrow did. He must really think on some sick level that he is Edward R. Murrow. Am I the only one that’s seriously creeped out by this?
From a news report:
Groping and verbal harassment is an exasperating reality for women using public transportation in this sprawling capital, where 22 million passengers cram onto subways and buses each day. Some men treat women so badly that the subway system has long had ladies-only cars during rush hour, with police segregating the sexes on the platforms.
But that hasn’t helped women forced to rely on packed buses, by far the city’s most-used form of public transportation – until this week.
Acting on complaints from women’s groups, the city rolled out “ladies only” buses, complete with pink signs in the windshields to wave off the men.
Could something like this possibly “fly” here in the U.S. where everything these days has to be politically correct? How long would it be before a male “Rosa Parks” stepped forward to insist on a seat, and then quickly file a lawsuit? The lawyers would be lined up around the block in minutes.
Thought it was an interesting story.
It’s no secret to anyone with their ear to the ground that corporate interests and politicians on both sides are slowly but surely seeking to unite the entire North American continent into some sort of European Union style entity. Their reasoning being that it’s the only way we can survive economically given the formation of the EU and the rise of China and India. Now we all know that’s a load of bullshit but there’s an even bigger concern here. The Democrats policy towards radical Islam is appeasement. If they win the White House and maintain control of the legislature, we’ll all soon be living under Sharia law and being force fed al Qur’an. Of course, it would probably have a more official sounding title like “The Islamic North American Union”. I just thought mine sounded catchier. I hope I can find a good sale on burqas. I have an awful lot of housegirls.
Whichever you prefer, there are certain rules for keeping them and they’re different for either or.
I like to keep both myself but that’s beside the point.
For Houseboys : Beat them regularly, feed them only enough to keep them alive and never let them leave the basement.
There’s a reason why locks were invented people.
For Housegirls : Feed them well but not too much unless you like them fat.
Buy them plenty of flowers, jewelry, legwarmers, whips, chains, stuffed animals, etc.
Piss them off only enough to get the right amount of masochistic pleasure you want.
These rules are tried and true.
Trust me!
Teen Detained Intended to Hijack Plane, Crash Into ‘Hannah Montana’ Concert
WSMV and WTVF in Nashville reported the teenager boarded the plane in possession of handcuffs, rope and duct tape with intentions to hijack the plane.
So that’s where that stuff went. I was wondering
I might be sounding old, immature and what-not but I speak for every living American who just doesn’t get or see the appeal in Hannah Montana (until she turns 18 and can do porn) when I say that this probably would have been the most exciting thing to ever happen at a Hannah Montana concert. Of course we would be in trouble if that did happen, have Hannah crawl out of the rubble, find the person who did it and beat them to death with her singing. So this would be a mission that could obviously have excruciating consequences.
I guess that’s enough from me. I gotta run to Target to replace the missing handcuffs, rope and duct tape.
Anyone who watches the business shows or Glenn Beck is sure to have heard of growing concerns about a pending economic crisis. This is something that I’m honestly uncertain about. The economy both nationally and globally is a strange, complicated beast with all kinds of twitches. So I want to know what the rest of you think. Are we headed for a 30s style depression? Are we headed for a 70s style recession? Will we continue to see the awesome growth we’ve seen in recent decades? If there are cloudy skies on the horizon, will our government fix it? How will they fix it? Can they even do so? Is it all just hype? If there is impending doom, parts of my solution would be to scrap the IRS, scrap the “Socialist” Security Administration and go to a flat sales tax of a quarter on the dollar. Although, those are all things I think we should do anyway. So hide you wallets, weigh in and don’t be afraid to disagree because it’s the economy stupid!
Today was a really fun day at DG, wasn’t it? I just wanted to make a few clarifications. I honestly couldn’t care less what anyone else does or doesn’t believe. I’m just sick and tired of being insulted by the Christian bashers whose only motivation is to convince themselves that there are no consequences to their actions. In that sense, they are the true “God fearing people” because acceptance of religion would mean that they would have to change their evil ways. As long as the overwhelming majority of the people in the world hold some sort of religious belief, the cowards will worry that they are wrong and that there really is a God. So they try to undermine theology in the hope that they can turn the rest of us into non-believers and feel better about themselves. Believe it or not (pardon the pun), I have friends and family members who are atheists and agnostics but they are not God fearing because they don’t go around persecuting those who do have faith and they show respect for it. So the next time you see one of these crybabies whining because mommy made them go to church when they were little, remind them that they will NEVER change the hearts and minds of the masses and that they should stop wasting their time trying to. The war on Christianity will fail. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to pray. Then I’ll be back to play!
PS. I’m once again annoyed with a certain individual at DG who apparently thinks that it’s acceptable for a hateful troll to make slanderous insults about an entire group (in said case, the worlds largest religion) but it’s not acceptable for a benevolent person to make negative yet accurate descriptions of a single individual who is a troll. It’s beyond hipocrisy and that really, really isn’t funny!
Tonight the latest in the vast sea of shitty “reality” shows, The Moment of Truth started. It’s supposed to be a show that puts people on a polygraph, they get asked embarassing questions to find out what they really think and depending on his answer and whether he’s lying or not his family either disowns him or his family disowns him. Or her. There really is no winners here, except those of us who have normal lives and don’t feel the need to air every little problem we have in front of god and everyone for 10 minutes of airtime on national TV. Want to get on TV? Be one of those people who go up behind a reporter and start waving on the 6 o’clock news. At least then you’re only being stupid to your own and your own surrounding cities.
Reality tv has shown what extremes people will do for two things: money and fame. When the reality is, all of those people are simply forgettable. I have a better chance at remembering the last person I flipped off at a traffic light than I do hearing about a guy who admits on a polygraph test that he somehow had sex with the tailpipe on his car. That’s not news. We all know how to do that. Meanwhile, I can remember that bitch cutting me off and then giving her the finger better than her husband probably could.
I should show them how to do an entertaining reality show. It would take place at my place and parents could bring their kids. If by kids you mean contestants. America, let me show you what a real reality show is.
As we all know by now, 28 year old actor Heath Ledger was found dead but does anyone really care? Would any average person have sympathy for Ledger or his family? In fact, isn’t the real truth that most everyday folks have become so detached from the Hollywood world that they actually take pleasure in watching celebrities self-destruct? After all, these people are given everything in life and Joe six pack is naturally jealous. They’re rich, famous, beautiful, talented, influential and what do they do with it all but destroy themselves or land their asses in jail? Now I certainly don’t want to see anyone die but I’m certainly not shedding any tears either. If Heaths loved ones need someone to mourn alongside them and feel sorry for them, they can call Rosie. She might offer to let them move in with her. I can already see the tabloid headlines.
Today while visiting a couple of classrooms, recruiting potential future houseboys I observed something. No, not how some of them winced when they saw me. I saw an example of how great kids have it today. Growing up, teachers and my parents would always say, “I’m going to count to…..”. The number that usually ended that sentence was usually 3 or 10, depending on who was doing the counting, the mood they were in and whether they could still breathe. Today in a room the teacher said “I’m going to count to 60.”
60.
Sixty.
I never had it that great as a kid. I was raised on 3 and 10. The most I’ll still count to today is 20 and that’s because one of my basement steps is broken and I don’t want any guests to fall. Those kids in the future are in for a rude awakening when that number starts getting lower. 60. 20. 10. 5. 3. I figure when they get older and the numbers get smaller, they’ll start crying.
Well, at least that’s what I’ll tell the authorities….once I hide the whips and leather straps.
We’ve all heard this phrase before. Even after EvilAlienVampireCommieBitch’s historically humiliating first use of it in defense of Slick Willy who was later proven guilty, she and others have continued to throw it around even to this day. So just who is involved in the vast right wing conspiracy and what is their agenda? Are they conspiring to lower our taxes? Are they conspiring to defeat the terrorist threat? The list goes on and on. So, if you’re a member of the vast right wing conspiracy, send me an email. Better yet, stop by my house. I want to join you. I have lots of houseboys and housegirls for you guys to play with. I’ve been searching for you for nearly a decade and I still can’t find you. As a resourceful person, I find that ironic. Don’t forget to be worse than Hitler!
As I’ve previously said at DG, doing a study is the truest liberal artform. All it does is waste all kinds of time, energy and taxpayer dollars just to tell us something that common sense already has. For instance, do we really need scientific research to tell us that men care more about physical attractiveness when choosing a mate than what women do? My answer is a great big HELL NO and if you disagree with me, you’re worse than Professor Gore.
I’m just starting out so there aren’t any real stories yet. I’m more than happy to allow all trusted members of the GutGang to post not only comments but even threads as well as wipe comments from trolls. I’d like to keep a tone which is generally similar to that of The Daily Gut. Please use the same handles and keep it civilized.
