[Cross-posted at Shots on the House]

So, the delightfully anti-business, anti-capitalism and anti-common sense cap-and-trade bill passed the House of Representatives by the thinnest of margins – 219-212 – despite John Boehner’s noble pseudo-filibuster, in which he read the 300-page bill for an hour. The bill, like the stimulus (which is helping our economy SO much), wasn’t actually read by anyone in Congress before the vote, and Boehner (who I am calling Killa B from this point on since I am struggling to spell his name correctly) decided to rectify the situation.

Regardless, eight Republicans voted for the bill. Had they voted against it, it would not have passed.

They are:
Mary Bono Mack (CA)
Mike Castle (DE – May run for Senate in 2010)
Mark Kirk (IL – Also may run for Senate in 2010)
Leonard Lance (NJ)
Frank LoBiondo (NJ)
John McHugh (NY)
Dave Reichert (WA)
Chris Smith (NJ)

Now, before you all get excited about the 44 Democrats who voted against the bill, keep in mind that Dennis Kucinich and several others took a cue from far-Left groups, such as Greenpeace, and voted the way they did because they felt that the bill didn’t go far enough, not because they were Blue Dog Democrats who oppose spending slightly less than their ultra-liberal brethren.

There was really no reason to vote for this bill, if you were a Republican. The GOP should be rallying round condemnation of President Obama’s drastic expansion of Government, not aiding and abetting it by voting for massive tax increases, such as this. It would be one thing if voting against the conservative position was politically expedient, in order to keep a moderate district, such as voting for Federal funding of embryonic stem-cell research, but the fact is, opposition to big Government is a mainstream position. If anything, voting for cap-and-trade could very well hurt the eight defectors, especially in their primaries come next year.

In the meantime, give credit to Killa B and all of those who voted against cap-and-trade. Hopefully, predictions will hold true, and cap-and-trade will die in the Senate. Also, since I am a simple man who needs to have things explained with pretty pictures, here is an interesting map of how cap-and-trade affects the country, State-by-State.

Special thanks to Nicole for snapping the shot

Special thanks to Nicole for snapping the shot

 By Damian

Sandi came into my life – and my hair – a little over a year ago. What a wild ride it’s been. Our sweet Sarah was selected as the Republican VP nominee, and now we’re a part of the fight to recruit her to defeat the Obama Menace.

Sandi is smart, sassy and a demon in the sack. She will gladly be your friend, but if you cross her, she will twist off your junk, play it like a fiddle, then send it to your family and friends – in pieces.

South Dakota is a rather misleading State geographically, since Sandi is always on top of her partner. Chips, dip, chains and whips are the name of the game, and it is strictly pants-optional.

That having been said, GET IN THE BASEMENT, NOW!!!  NO TALKING TO THE HOUSEBOYS!!!

By Erik

For more than a year now, Sandi Galligher aka Metalgirl_1 has been my closest friend and confidant. Her contributions to this blog have been prolific, brilliant and always hilarious. Although she is currently on hiatus, scouring the far reaches of the globe in search of fresh new houseboys as if Damian and Cheesy weren’t enough trouble as it is, I would like to take this opportunity to salute her as she begins her 44th year of gracing us with her marvelous presence. The more grateful souls among us know a true gift from the Lord upon baring witness. God bless you, Sandi. We love you more than you’ll ever know.

PS : A birthday is always a good excuse to post a thread.

Howdy folks.  I’m sorry that I haven’t posted in a while but I’ve spent the last several months being chained to a desk in an Obama supporters basement.  Apparently they did not like it when I told them that I DID NOT vote for the Messiah.  But all is well and I was able to escape from Mr. Olbermann’s abode.  I wanted to talk about something that is really pissing me off.  That is the asinine behavior of other college students like myself.  Thankfully I will be graduating in mid-May so I won’t have to experience this directly for much longer but I can not stand how so many people with NO common sense and NO wisdom due to absolutely NO life experience can proclaim to know everything there is to know about life and the world at  large.  If your parents have supported you your entrie life and if you’ve NEVER had to a.) hold a job, b.) pay taxes, or c.) support a family, then you have absolutely no right to tell other in some cases much older people that you know everything about life and that they know nothing.  After living with so many people like this over the last four years it is very easy to understand why my 58-year-old father detests college students.

P.S. It’s good to be back. I’ve certainly missed other RedEye cretins like myself.  Also my sister and dad are now sick perverted RedEye fans like myself.  I was able to convert both of them.  Hopefully this is a sure sign that the fanbase is slowly getting larger.

We’re getting rather sick and tired of all these so-called conservatives who lack the courage of their convictions and would suggest that our finest leader isn’t beyond reproach.

If you’re so cowardly and weak-minded as to let the libtard bullies destroy your confidence in the next Reagan with their lies, then shut your stupid pieholes and get the hell out of the way.

The media treated The Gipper with the same disgusting disrespect and we all know how that turned out.

Yes we can?

We’ve got a better one for you.

YES WE WILL!!!

I know 72 virgins that are going to be very disappointed.

The religion of piece of ass has now had it’s greatest weakness exploited by our CIA.

A 60-year-old Afghan warlord spilled more than just the beans on the Taliban after being given one little blue pill for each of his 4 much younger wives.

What’s really important is that we shouldn’t stop here.

In addition to the highly over advertised and even more overused boner pill, we should be flooding the entire middle east with porn, stippers, prostitutes, sex toys, fast food joints, alcohol and, of course, as many pork products as we can spare.

We’ll know we’ve won when we have fat, drunken pig farmers with herpes in Mecca.

After all, their carnal knowledge of other species shouldn’t be limited merely to goats.

Allah willing, they’ll wait until the barnyard sows have reached full maturity.

There are dungeons beneath the palace of wisdom and one would certainly not want to be fat, weak, diseased and addicted upon arrival. Prudence demands that we adhere to helpful teaching and reject the destructive but how does one balance this with pursuing a road of excess? The answer is as much in a house of worship as it is at the bottom of a bottle. It is as much in a history book as it is in a cookbook. It resonates in grandpa’s war stories just as much as it does in your own carnal instincts. I suppose the trick is, as I have done, to jump ship just before you sink with the rest of the boat. When I walk through that threshold and the doorman greets me, I’ll think to myself that I wish I’d learned just one more lesson from my father’s mistakes. Then, I’ll ask where the vodka is. 3 out of 4 ain’t bad. In the end, the human brain is much like a goldfish. It will grow in proportion to it’s environment. Does this make any sense? Hell no and it’s not supposed to. Get it?

Maher shows his true colors about 8 1/2 minutes into this.

If this dirtbag wanted to make any accurate references as to what Godless societies are really like, he’d have cited true examples such as China or Soviet era Russia.

The fact that he didn’t clearly indicates that he’s either grossly uneducated or just perpetuating foul deceit.

So tell us Bill, which is it?

This years birthday present will be just as good as last years as An American Carol is released in theaters on Oct 3rd. A mockery of the planet that made No. 3 on our still unpublished list of the 50 most annoying liberals in America is sure to please. Coincidentally, 3 is also the number of undisclosed national fast food chains that Moore single-handedly keeps in business. It’s also rumored to be the number of swine he calls a snack as well as how many times he flunked Phys. Ed. Hats off to the few brave souls in the commie bastion of Hollywood who had the courage to make this film. We should honor their efforts by making this movie a huge blockbuster thus sending a crystal clear message to the rest of that town about what we expect from them. Anyone who doesn’t dish out the cash to buy tickets for the whole family is worse than Moore himself directing a film sympathetic to Hitler starring George Clooney, Kathy Griffin, Danny Glover, Charlie Sheen, Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, Alec Baldwin and none other than Sean Penn as the furor!

Carefully considering his options, Otis Green is an aging baby boomer and a guy so nice that even his houseboys like him. He usually spends most of his time sitting in his tree house, enjoying his herbal remedies and watching the world go by but something has come up. A bizarre infection is forcing him to go to the doctor and he is told that he must first bathe in order to receive care. Unfortunately, soap is a rare commodity in Rancho Del Dildo, California, especially at the end of the month when one can’t trade an entire pound of pot for even a single bar. Fearing the end may be near and wanting to recapture his youth, he hitchhiked to the nearby bay area and began frolicking around where he happened upon one Sunshine Streisenberg in a local coffee shop. Being a woman of comparable age and mindset, the two quickly hit it off and she soon after convinced him to go skinny dipping. In one swoop miracle, all his problems were solved. Their companionship wouldn’t end there. Despite having breasts which had suffered the toll of never having known a bra, he quickly fell in love with her. The two now spend their days cultivating various plant life while feeding and fighting for the protection of the increasingly endangered squirrel in an effort to stop global warming.

Ahhhhhhh!

By Erik

I was sitting at my computer early one morning and working on my web page that I felt was less than adequate at the time. I had the TV in the room across the hall turned up so that I could listen to F&F while I was entrenched in the tech madness. Little did I know that my online activities would soon be the absolute least of my concerns. Shortly before the show was over, word came in about the first plane hitting one of the Twin Towers. I immediately abandoned the work at hand and ran across the hall to park myself in front of the tube where I sat for several hours without so much as getting up to grab a beer or a bite. My stomach hasn’t forgiven me to this very day. About 6 months later, I went back to work on my web page again but couldn’t do so after looking at the date on all the files.

By Sandi

I had just dragged my butt out of bed that morning to get ready for work, and was still shaking off the sleep and waiting for the coffee to be ready when I looked at the tv down in the den andsaw that a plane had just hit the first Tower. I guess it’s because I was still trying to wake up that I thought that I was watching a new trailer for a movie soon to be released. Then the second plane came screaming through the city andplowed right through the second Tower. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! This couldn’t be real could it? “My God, what the hell is going on”, I thought to myself. Then when it sunk in that this was a terrorist attack on our country, I felt sick to my stomach. Then when the Towers collapsed and crumbled into dust, I had a feeling of panic, sadness, and nausea that still bothers me to this day every time I see footage of what happened. This was the most senseless, heartless, evil, cold blooded thing that has ever happened in our country’s history. Thousands of people died that day for no reason other than they got on a plane that was taken over by madmen. The feelings I had that day come back just as strong every September 11, and they always will. 

By Bryan

5-25-2001:  I graduate High School.

A month after that, my mother and step-dad had already planned a trip up to NYC and the New England area. I mention I’ve never been on a flying vacation with them and they said that’s right, so why don’t you tag along as your graduation present. I say Hell Yes! 

We go to CT, MA, VA, DC, RI, DE, NJ, andlast but not least, NY. We spend a few days in NYC. The 2nd day there, we go to the World Trade Center. We go inside and take our picture down in the lobby only to be overcharged to pick it back up again, but we pay for it. Between that picture and picking that up, we go to the top. We go to the small little eateries at the top and do some tourist shopping. I go outside on the observation deck. While I’m up there I invite my mother and step-dad to join me. They do. On the top of the WTC at the observation deck, there is a looking glass thing where you pay $.50 or something to look out of binoculars at the city. I pay the $.50 and look across the way to the Empire State Building. There are people out there doing the same thing looking at my direction. I wave, and they see me, all the way across town, and they wave back. That same trip, we spent 4th of July in NYC on the river watching the fireworks.

9-11-2001

It’s my first year away at college and I’m a freshman at Florida Southern College located in Lakeland, FL. It’s a wretched Tuesday which means I have an 8 a.m. class… Western Civilization II, with a boring monotone professor. Normally I would have skipped but I went that day. I stumble out of bed and put on my red college t-shirt, khaki shorts, and sandles. I quickly go to the cafeteria and grab a bowl of cereal and some toast, and I munch that down just in time to make it to class. I sit through class and the class ends, andI walk to my secondclass that day which was Intro. to Criminal Justice… on the way to class a friend caught me before I go in and asked if I had heard what happened in New York. I say yeah, of course (because a week or two before the events happened a sky jumper landed his parachute on the torch of the Statue of Liberty.)  I walk into class and only then did I grasp what he was talking about. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing from my classmates. So, class ended and I rushed back to the dorm hall and watched it on TV I couldn’t believe what I saw… the towers have collapsed. I rush upstairs to my room and grab the phone and dial the calling card andcall my mother. She answers “Hello”. I say “Holy shit.” That’s the first words out of my mouth to my mother after this. I was so confused as to what was going on. It was my first time really away from home. I talk to mother for about 15 min. Then I start calling other family members to talk to them. The time then passed on to about 2:00 p.m. andI was outside looking at the sky trying to joke with people that hopefully the terrorists weren’t going after the biggest collection of Frank Lloyd Wright architecture. I couldn’t believe that no flights were going to happen for a few days. Disney shut down. Chicago mostly shut down. Los Angelesshut down. Everything around me was upside down. I didn’t know what to make of it. I couldn’t stop looking at the pictures of everything on TV and on the Internet. There was a crawl at the bottom of our student channel saying that our Resident Advisorscould counsel us. I needed someone to talk to. So, I asked him in my room at around 8:30 p.m. and we talked for a while and I cried andI cried to him. He was very understanding, but later then did I realize all I needed was a hug from my mother. That always seemed to make everything okay. So, that weekend, my mom and step-dad drove up to see me and I needed that so badly. I needed someone to hug and talk to and a friendly face. 

Present day:

I look back and think about what if…. what if the terrorists had attacked us the time I was up in NYC? What if they attacked the WTC while I was still inside? 

I think about what happened to the people who were working up there that day and the people I vaguely remember seeing when I was atop the WTC. How many of them died? I think about the people on the plans, what they thought when the plane was crashing in? I wonder if the people felt any pain. I wonder what it would have been like to escape from the building. I wonder what it would have been like to help people out. I remember the hardcore patriotism displayed by our fellow Americans. The lines at blood banks to donate to the people up in NYC. The red, white, and blue worn and displayed on peoples cars and clothes. The thing that gets me most: Looking at the walls of pictures left behind by family members trying to locate their loved ones, with their only hope being left to a picture on a wall, with what floor and company they worked on, and a telephone number — in hopes that some random stranger might see that flyer and recognize a face that they may have seen.

By Kitty

September 11, 2001 seemed like such a normal day to me. I was a happy go lucky “gaijin” living abroad…I went to work in the morning, had lunch with my co-workers, finished working, met friends for shopping-dinner-drinks-jokes, returned home for a little R & R before bed…andthen, around 10 PM, came the phone calls. A lot of phone calls. Asking if I were watching the TV. Everyone telling me how sorry they were. I turned on the TV, frantically flipping through the channels. So little information…surely I was misunderstanding what the announcers were saying. Then my Boss called…”get a taxi andcome down to the station NOW”  My friends/co-workers met me in the Control Room at the station. They were withme as I stared in shock at the collapse of the towers…they were with me as I cried seeing the horror replayed over andover…they sat withme all night long as we watched the various feeds from around the country…they dialed the phone for me for hours as I tried to contact my family in Ohio…they did their best to comfort andconsole me…they mourned with me. When “people” say how “hated” America is…I remember that night and the reactions of my Japanese friends. And I think about the days after, when total strangers would stop me on the street and express sympathy/support for me and my fellow countrymen.

Halfway around the world, in Japan, I felt completely helpless. I couldn’t believe what had happened. I was confused, and sad, and ANGRY!  But then, as I watched strangers helping strangers, and heard of the everyday heroes risking themselves for their Fellow Human Beings, and learned about the patriots of flight 93 who said NO to the terrorists at the cost of their lives…I felt PROUD. These were AMERICANS. They were strong, compassionate, selfless, and brave in the face of such evil. They, no, WE would not be broken by homicidal cowards. I was no longer a “gaijin”…I was an “Americajin”. And I thanked God that I was!

You may liken the lovely Governor to a hurricane hitting a desert. Sarah Palin is nothing short of a gift from Almighty God unlike any other. Ronald Reagan is back in a skirt, lipstick and some really cute glasses. The DemocRATS are naturally terrified of a woman who has more balls than all the libtards on Earth combined. One can’t recall a point in our nations history when a running mate had such an impact on the campaign. It’s facinating to think that a presidential election might actually be ultimately decided by a candidates pick for VP as Palin’s favorability rating is higher than that of both Obama and McCain. As if that weren’t enough, the MSMs ruthless and relentless bombardment of lies and distortions about this woman is already backfiring. The Republican ticket has shot up to a substantial lead in what are already intentionally skewed polls as tons of women and swing voters are rallying to it. Chris Matthews is probably crying himself to sleep every night for fear that his dream of being the Monica under Barry’s desk will never come true. He and Ogremann should be thankful that their bosses didn’t give them the chance to hang themselves. With a Democrat such as Kinky Friedman now predicting that McCain and Palin will “waltz right into the White House”, what will the libtards do now other than continue to spread lies and shed tears? We suggest that they consider moving abroad. Nations such as China and Cuba are rumored to offer them the exact kind of policies they claim to prefer. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we need to purchase massive amounts of stock in tissues. In a related story, Barry Hussein is said to be investing in cosmetics and agriculture.

The question in the previous thread about Governor Palin has now been answered.

In an election year full of historical milestones, we now get the most hopeful one of all in the form of an authentic conservative on the ticket.

The cretins in the MSM question her ability to lead given her 5 children, 1 with special needs and daughter who is pregnant at the age of 17. In addition to the blatant hypocrisy of contradicting the idea of empowering women which the left has always claimed is one of their greatest goals and achievements, the same liberal slime didn’t dare question Biden’s decision to take his Senate seat in 72 when he was dealing with a dead wife and daughter and 2 injured sons. Instead, he was sworn in next to his son’s bed in the hospital.

Could this be because she’s a normal person who knows what it’s like to live from paycheck to paycheck rather than an elitist prick living in an ivory tower?

Could it be because those elitist pricks fear that she may expose their corruption?

Could it be because she will empower real Americans rather than the elitist pricks who want to make our decisions for us?

Could it be because she’s actually more experienced and more qualified for the presidency than Barry Hussein?

We contend that it’s all of the above. We also not only contend that she will be the first female VP but that she will someday be the first female POTUS as well. Obama, the MSM and the rest of the left wing hypocrites will soon be walking on broken glass as their sexist nature is exposed by a true feminist.

HEAR HER ROAR!!!

Tasha Ann Smelton may be a woman of ill repute but it’s never stopped her from getting what she wanted. She was so demanding at her first job as an exotic dancer that Big Al’s Porn, Pawn, Brothel, Bar & Grill was quickly driven completely out of business leaving the entire community of Cornhole Junction, Iowa devastated by recession, heartbroken and suicidal. Even in her days as a roadie for Winger, she never took no for an answer as particularly demonstrated by her insistence on only using condoms made from the bladders of livestock which she claimed was a family tradition. Her first husband died of an erection which lasted for more than 4 hours shortly after signing over all rights to his fishnet stocking manufacturing empire to her. After a series of bitter and nasty divorces, she left the fashion industry and has since pursued what most consider to be a rather mediocre carrer in zoology while using the money from the sale of her company to invest in GlaxoSmithKline who are best known as the makers of Valtrex. Recent rumors have suggested that she’s now embroiled in a torrid and allegedly abusive affair with retired 70’s porn stallion Harry Schlongensack. You go girl!

It comes as no surprise why most nonbelievers suddenly “see the light” and profess faith in God when they’re laying on their deathbeds. Mortality ultimately forces everyone to accept all the things that they allowed themselves to deny thoughout life. These idiots defy both proven science and common sense by insisting that the entire universe somehow just popped up out of nowhere all on it’s own while having the audacity to accuse religious people of believing in magic. The hypocrisy doesn’t end there. I just snapped my fingers and made the cigarette that I’m smoking appear out of thin air, didn’t I? The simple fact is that no amount of scientific research can ever or will ever disprove the inevitable conclusion that everything we know to be reality couldn’t possibly exist without the presence of an omnipotent entity which had created it. That’s right. I said CREATED! BTW, skyscapers don’t just grow out of the ground either. Before anyone tries to use this as a means to bash religious belief, let me remind you that my argument is not theological and certainly not the case for any particular religion. It’s an argument of SCIENCE and COMMON SENSE. Any opposition should leave scripture out of the equation. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m hungry and my meal isn’t going to cook itself. We still believe in cooking, don’t we?

John McCain has a fine list of excellent potential running mates but none as fine as this.

Aside from the obvious possibility that she could be the first female Republican nominee for VP, the first female VP or even the first female POTUS somewhere in the future, Sarah Palin represents something far greater than just a win for women in the battle of the sexes.

This remarkable woman has made a major name for herself in American politics as a symbol of serious and positive reform in just the short time that she’s been Governor of Alaska.

Unlike Senator Clinton, she isn’t hated by half of the country. (Eat your heart out Hillary)

In fact, Palin is about as likeable and electable as any politician could get and that’s saying a lot.

She may also help a great deal in rallying women to vote for the Republican ticket.

Oh yeah, did I mention that she’s hot?

SHE’S HOT!!! (Again, eat your heart out Hillary)

Go here to learn more.

Words from a true American:

Jimmy Carter, you are the father of the Islamic Nazi movement. You threw the Shah under the bus, welcomed the Ayatollah home, and then lacked the spine to confront the terrorists when they took our embassy and our people hostage. You’re the runner-in-chief.

Bill Clinton, you played ring around the Lewinsky while the terrorists were at war with us. You got us into a fight with them in Somalia and then you ran from it. Your weak-willed responses to the U.S.S. Cole and the First Trade Center Bombing and Our Embassy Bombings emboldened the killers. Each time you failed to respond adequately, they grew bolder, until 9/11/2001.

John Kerry, dishonesty is your most prominent attribute. You lied about American Soldiers in Vietnam. Your military service, like your life, is more fiction than fact. You’ve accused our military of terrorizing women and children in Iraq. You called Iraq the wrong war, wrong place, wrong time, the same words you used to describe Vietnam. You’re a fake. You want to run from Iraq and abandon the Iraqis to murderers just as you did the Vietnamese. Iraq, like Vietnam, is another war that you were for, before you were against it.

John Murtha, you said our military was broken. You said we can’t win militarily in Iraq. You accused United States Marines of cold-blooded murder without proof and said we should redeploy to Okinawa. Okinawa, John? And the Democrats call you their military expert! Are you sure you didn’ t suffer a traumatic brain injury while you were off building your war hero resume? You’re a sad, pitiable, corrupt and washed up politician. You’re not a Marine, sir. You wouldn’t amount to a good pimple on a real Marine’s ass. You’re a phony and a disgrace. Run away, John.

Dick Durbin, you accused our Soldiers at Guantanamo of being Nazis, tenders of Soviet style gulags and as bad as the regime of Pol Pot, who murdered two million of his own people after your party abandoned Southeast Asia to the Communists. Now you want to abandon the Iraqis to the same fate. History was not a good teacher for you, was it? Lord help us! See Dick run.

Ted Kennedy, for days on end you held poster-sized pictures from Abu Ghraib in front of any available television camera. Al Jazeera quoted you saying that Iraqi’s torture chambers were open under new management. Did you see the news, Teddy? The Islamic Nazis demonstrated another beheading for you. If you truly supported our troops, you’d show the world poster-sized pictures of that atrocity and demand the annihilation of it. Your legislation stripping support from the South Vietnamese led to a communist victory there. You’re a bloated, drunken fool bent on repeating the same historical blunder that turned freedom-seeking people over to homicidal, genocidal maniacs. To paraphrase John Murtha, all while sitting on your wide, gin-soaked rear-end in Washington .

Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Carl Levine, Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein, Russ Feingold, Hillary Clinton, Pat Leahy, Barack Obama, Chuck Schumer, the Hollywood Leftist morons, et al, ad nauseam: Every time you stand in front of television cameras and broadcast to the Islamic Nazis that we went to war because our President lied, that the war is wrong and our Soldiers are torturers, that we should leave Iraq, you give the Islamic butchers – the same ones that tortured and mutilated American Soldiers – cause to think that we’ll run away again, and all they have to do is hang on a little longer. It is inevitable that we, the infidels, will have to defeat the Islamic jihadists. Better to do it now on their turf, than later on ours after they have gained both strength and momentum.

American news media, the New York Times particularly: Each time you publish stories about national defense secrets and our intelligence gathering methods, you become one united with the sub-human pieces of camel dung that torture and mutilate the bodies of American Soldiers. You can’t strike up the courage to publish cartoons, but you can help Al Qaeda destroy my country. Actually, you are more dangerous to us than Al Qaeda is. Think about that each time you face Mecca to admire your Pulitzer.

You are America’s ‘AXIS OF IDIOTS.’ Your Collective Stupidity will destroy us. Self-serving politics and terrorist-abetting news scoops are more important to you than our national security or the lives of innocent civilians and Soldiers. It bothers you that defending ourselves gets in the way of your elitist sport of politics and your ignorant editorializing. There is as much blood on your hands as is on the hands of murdering terrorists. Don’t ever doubt that. Your frolics will only serve to extend this war as they extended Vietnam. If you want our Soldiers home as you claim, knock off the crap and try supporting your country ahead of supporting your silly political aims and aiding our enemies.

Yes, I’m questioning your patriotism. Your loyalty ends with self. I’m also questioning why you’re stealing air that decent Americans could be breathing. You don’t deserve the protection of our men and women in uniform. You need to run away from this war, this country. Leave the war to the people who have the will to see it through and the country to people who are willing to defend it.

No, Mr. President, you don’t get off the hook, either. Our country has two enemies: Those who want to destroy us from the outside and those who attempt it from within. Your Soldiers are dealing with the outside force. It’s your obligation to support them by confronting the AXIS OF IDIOTS.

America must hear it from you that these self-centered people are harming our country, abetting the enemy and endangering our safety. Well up a little anger, please, and channel it toward the appropriate target. You must prosecute those who leak national security secrets to the media. You must prosecute those in the media who knowingly publish those secrets.

Our Soldiers need you to confront the enemy that they cannot. They need you to do it now.

Semper Fi,

J. D. Pendry – Sergeant Major, USMC, Ret

I see no reason why any honest person would find Senator Gramm’s recent comments to be controversial.

Is your plasma TV not big enough?

You poor little thing!

Did your digital cable go out for a few hours twice already just this year?

Here’s a tissue.

Did you have to do without electricity for a few hours because of a severe thunderstorm sometime in the past year?

HEAVEN FORBID!

Did your brand new sports car bust a tire today?

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

Do you not have enough food to gain that extra 50 pounds that you’re just dying to put on?

SOMEONE MUST PAY FOR THIS!

Is the Viagra no longer working as well as it used to?

IT’S ALL BUSH’S FAULT!!!

I could go on about this all day but I trust my point is clear.

GOD GAVE YOU EVERYTHING!

Now, shut up, sit down, stuff your ungrateful face with Filet Mignon and drink your Champagne.

If the Viagra still isn’t good enough for playtime, tell your well trained doctor to give you Levitra or Cialis instead.

Porn Guru Reginald B. Stiffwell had an ass itch that refused to go away. He dug and he scratched and he dug and he scratched but his torment persisted. In search of a viable remedy, he first tried a cold compress but soon learned that it only worsened the problem as the twisted hair was now frozen into it’s uncomfortable position. He then tried using tater mits but was only left with a bloody mess and a few less layers of skin. This introduced a whole new set of problems for our now less than silent hero. Frustrated and given to temptation, he decided to employ the use of a prostitute who claimed to have the power of healing in her saliva. Again, hooker spit proved to be another useless excuse for a cure. At his wits end and desperate to the extreme, he then opened a bottle blackberry merlot and proceeded to get tanked. Within minutes, the agony ceased and his only remaining dilemma was differentiating between the blood and the booze. The moral to this story is that alcohol is the reason for and solution to all of lifes problems.

BOTTOMS UP!!!

On March 16, 1975, three women living in a Washington D.C. townhouse were awakened by the sound of their back door getting kicked in. There were two invaders. One of them violently attacked one of the women who was sleeping on the second floor. She was beaten and raped. Her two other roommates called the police from the third floor. Sure that help was coming, they climbed out onto the roof to seek safety. They saw a squad car slowly drive past but it never stopped. Completely terrified, the women crawled back into the house and called the police again. They then hid for a half hour until they heard no more noises downstairs. Assuming that the police had arrived and that they were safe, they went down to the second floor where the rapists were waiting. The women were savagely beaten and raped for the next 14 hours. The police never came.

By the grace of God, all three women survived and a lawsuit was brought against the D.C. police department. Ruling on the last appeal in 1981, the D.C. court of Appeals said, “The duty to provide public services is owed to the public at large, and, absent a special relationship between the police and an individual, no specific legal duty exists.” Translation? When you’re attacked, it’s between you and the criminal. Law enforcement isn’t required to help you.

Whether or not any of these who were attacked ever wanted to own a handgun, it wouldn’t be long before they would no longer legally have that option.

Trampling the clear intent of the Founding Fathers and what they felt to be one of our most important rights, the D.C. City Council’s Firearms Control Regulations Act of 1976 completely outlawed private ownership of handguns within the city.

The consequences were catastrophic. A murder rate that had been declining prior to the new restrictions rose 200% between 1976-1991 while the overall U.S. murder rate rose only 9%.

Other cities such as New York and Chicago experienced steady increases in murders for many years after their imposition of handgun restrictions. Their recently decrease in murders has been roughly proportionate to the rest of the country as the firearm murder rate dropped 41% nationally while the number of privately owned firearms rose by about 70 million from 1991-2006.

FNC’s Jeanine Pirro, who spent many years as a DA and Judge in the state of New York, has stated that she never saw a single case in which a legal firearm was used.

Even before the U.S. Supreme Court made a decision on District of Columbia v. Heller, a bipartisan majority in congress filed an amicus brief in the Heller case supporting the individual right view of the Second Amendment. 55 U.S. Senators, 250 House members Vice President Cheney signed on, making it the largest number on any congressional brief in history.

Both presidential candidates had an opportunity to sign this brief.

McCain signed.

B. Hussein McGovern Carter refused.

Although the court’s recent decision was certainly the correct one, the thought of what may happen under future courts with Justices appointed by leftist administrations seems very disturbing given the narrow 5 to 4 vote. As Tammy Bruce recently stated, the Constitution doesn’t give us our rights but rather tells the government what rights they can’t take away. Phrases such as “CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW” and “THE RIGHT of the people to keep and bear arms SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED” make this abundantly clear.

All of this begs the question as to what the megalibtards (who insist that society would be safer if criminals were the only ones to have guns) would have to say to the families of the victims of those who were denied their God given right to defend themselves from evildoers.

We’ll end it with one of Levy’s favorite sayings.

A WELL ARMED SOCIETY IS A POLITE SOCIETY!!!

Here’s a question that might make some think.

Whether or not one must ponder it may or may not speak volumes.

Why would the brain of a liberal be more expensive than that of a conservative?

Because you obviously have to pay more for somethnig which has never been used.

THIS IS A FOX NEWS ALERT!!!

It has come to my attention that the horrific floods in the midwest are NOT the work of global warming, but more of the evil deeds of the BushCheneyMcHitlerBurton Administration.  As the memory of Katrina fades we are now being faced with the flooding of an entire state!  As we all know, Iowa is the houseboy headquarters of the world, and now it would seem that BushCheneyMcHitlerBurton is threatened by the growing numbers of houseboys in that region.  This is the dictators way of reducing their numbers and thereby weakening their ever growing power.

Global warming is just a clever ruse for BushCheneyMcHitlerBurton to hide behind.  As we all remember, Katrina was just an evil plan to kill as many black people as possible without anyone being the wiser.  The evil overlords now threaten the entire world with their Halliburton manufactured weather control technology.  How many more must die before there is impeachment?  Is it not worth taking the lives of a handful to save the lives of six billion?

The tyrants working with the Jewish Mafia must be stopped!  We must re-instate the Second Amendment if only temporarily, and march on Washington!  After the entire vast right-wing conspiracy has been exterminated we can bulldoze the White House and use the land as a habitat for the increasingly endangered unicorn.  The Oral Office can then be moved to San Francisco where it belongs.  In a related story, the city of Boston has filed a petition claiming rights.

And now, we return you to live video of drunken midgets attempting to violate a family of angry badgers. 

Recently, TV’s Andy Levy was commended and rewarded for rescuing a litter of kittens from evil Macedonian environuts because they believed that the kittens were responsible for crop circles.  The kittens were thankful and agreed to participate in Andy’s experiments regarding the mapping of the feline genome.  Andy hopes to genetically engineer a cat with an intelligence comparable to that of a human being.  God bless you Mr. Levy and your noble efforts!  On a side note, Pixel and Stormy were initially jealous, but had a change of heart and decided NOT to pee on the floor.

Mistress Sandi’s growing obsession with Mexican houseboys has taken a frightening turn. Countless numbers of hispanic men are now following her around at WalMart. Attempts were made at luring them away with habaneros but I gave in to temptation and ate them myself. In a related story, fresh meat from Guadalajara has just been secured. We may just need a second basement built by cheap, illegal labor. I will proceed to get Sergio on the the phone. He needs to spend more time working and less time lusting after the one who holds my leash. Otherwise, he should stay on his own porch!

Since I was a teenager, prices for getting someone to talk about sex have risen dramatically, from about a quarter to a dollar.  Can you believe that?  I think that is totally unreasonable!  How is anyone supposed to learn anything??  Inflation sucks more than the education that you pay twenty bucks for!!  After all, it doesn’t require any kind of meaningful conversation!!  All it takes is two oversexed, understimulated, acne covered teenagers to discover the secrets of carnal knowledge all by themselves with no instruction manual in sight!  And if you disagree with me, then you sir, are worse than Paris Hilton without any Valtrex. 

THIS IS A FOX NEWS ALERT!!!  Sources have confirmed that the Midget Mafia has launched an attack against the houseboy compound in Cornhole Junction, Iowa, in an attempt to illegally capture houseboys.  The Rainbow Brite Gang has claimed responsibility.  The Unicorn Army led by Unicorn Jones moved in to defend against the attack with the help of the Pegasus Special Forces, but were distracted by Fluffy McNutter in a red string bikini like Daisy Duke.  Or not…no…nevermind.  The Midgets and Daisy McNutter escaped with 9 houseboys, 3 ferrets, and an iguana named PooBoo, and fled to the Celine Dion Compound near Greasy Beaver Falls, Canada.  The Unicorn Army pursued the Polar Bear eating Canadian Midgets, but was stopped at the border by unicorn loving Canadian Mounties, and was then strip searched.  Sources say that the weapons used to capture the houseboys were feather dusters and rotten potatoes.  There were some casualties to report: 69 houseboys were frightnened, while only 21 wet their pants.  No word yet on whether Bill, Cheesy, or Damian was among the 21.  More on this story as it develops.

Matthew 5:9

We all know some of those who are among our nations true heroes. My own grandfather experienced all the love and care the Nazis had to offer as one of their guests. It’s all too easy for ungrateful liberal slime to berate the military and call them murderers when they should be getting down on their knees and thanking God for these people. They’re not the ones risking or losing their lives to protect that freedom or bring it to others who have never known it. War, like government, is often a necessary evil and sometimes the only means by which to obtain and sustain peace. Thus, our warriors are the peacemakers. No one ever said it was fun or pretty but someone has to do it. Should any of us ever fail to salute the ones that come home alive and honor the ones who didn’t, we’d be worse than the terrorists.

Support the troops and pray for them.

They can’t sell the lie that McCain is too old.

The lie about a McCain presidency being the same as another 4 years of Bush doesn’t seem to be working either.

So just in time for Memorial Day, Senator Tom Harkin of Iowa makes the most absurd and pathetic attempt to date at trying to disqualify the Republican nominee.

To suggest that McCain’s military service, as well as that of his father and grandfather, makes him dangerous not only insults him but every individual that has every risked their life to protect the country they love.

This is beyond dispicable!

Senator Harkin, lets put aside how ashamed you should be and the astonishing fact that the majority of past presidents have served.

Would you care to tell America who you voted for in the last 2 elections and if they had ever worn the uniform?

I’d bet the farm that it wasn’t Bush.

Sending pants seems useless since they’d be blocked by the table so I’m sending shirts.

I’ve already dug out a few ancient rags that are well stained and soiled.

We must all contribute to this effort as Bill’s wacky wardrobe is a staple of Red Eye hilarity that must live on.

Anyone who disagrees and doesn’t send in some hand-me-downs is worse than Hitler letting his great-grandmother dress him in nothing but chaps.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to the dumpster before they empty it.

Those who are not xenophobes may shop at Goodwill.

It has occurred to me as I’ve been watching the show lately that Greg has apparently dropped the segment about the war on strippers.  My question is, why?  I mean, this is an important topic to be addressed!  Strippers are a very important part of what makes this country great!  So anyway, I have a few thoughts that I’d like to share with all of you, just in case any of you have been wondering how the war is going and what you can do to help!   

As I mentioned earlier, strippers are a big part of what makes this country great!  You may be be asking, “How?” or “Why?”  Well I am here to tell you that it all has to do with a little thing I like to call Freedom of Pervocity!  If any of you have been to a strip club you will have noticed that there are a few things that make these places unique all to themselves.  For one thing, they all have a brass pole placed somewhere in the building, they all have some sort of stage and many chairs placed right in front, or all around the stage, also known as “Sniffers Row”.  Now not in all clubs, but in most there is a room which is separate from the rest of the club called ”The VIP Room” that is used for private dances, or lap dances.  That said, you must ask yourselves this question, “Why do men frequent these places?”  I will tell you.  Men frequent these places because they provide a service that maybe these men aren’t getting at home.  Strippers are providing fantasy, attention, relaxation of sorts, and strange as it may sound, self-confidence.  That’s right, self-confidence!  Not for all, but for quite a few, strippers enable men to be able to practice talking to women.  Some men are completely lost on how to talk to a woman, and although the conversation may not be deep and meaningful most times, it helps men get over the fear of speaking to a woman.  You see, visiting a strip club goes far beyond the realm of sex for some.  It actually has meaning and is a learning experience.  For others, it is an addiction. 

I asked a male friend of mine a couple questions to get a male perspective on this subject.  I won’t mention his name to respect his anonymity and privacy.  Here is what he had to say when asked what he thought the reasons were for a man to visit a strip club: “For me, I like to see live titties instead of porn sometimes.  Yes, for some it is an addiction, or a fake relationship because they can’t handle a real one.”  This is how he responded when asked if he thought that for some visiting a strip club went beyond sex: “For me, a strip club is entertainment of a sexual nature, but not really about sex.  For others, greasy bastards, it’s a lifestyle.”  I have to agree with him on his answers.  The “greasy bastards” as he calls them, actually I’ve called them worse things, come out to the clubs because the only way they can get a woman to talk to them is to pay them.  Now this is a legal way of doing that instead of paying a hooker.  Also, by visiting a club no diseases will be exchanged.   

So as you can see, strippers do indeed provide many different services for many different types of individuals.  It is very important to keep the stripper as part of our society, and as a tool to help some men learn how to socialize and communicate with the opposite sex.  What all of you can do, or those who enjoy it, is to visit your local strip clubs regularly and as I have said before in a previous post, BE NICE!   

Now then, we will win the war against strippers by keeping the stripper in the public forefront, and to keep stuffing 20’s into pretty girls panties!  Another way we will win is by standing up to the religious fanatics who keep preaching that this profession is “evil, and is degrading to women, and is quickly becoming the downfall of our society!”  WTF??  Let me address a couple of things about this statement.  Number one, these fanatics are the biggest hypocrites and most self-righteous bastards you will ever know.  Number two, they are also the KINKIEST bastards behind closed doors!  We can’t let these freaks tell us what is or isn’t good for us and our country!  If we cave to these pricks we will be giving in to their communist ideals!  This war CAN be won, and we WILL win if we ALL grow a pair, and stand up to these idiots!  And if you disagree with me, then you sir, are worse than Hitler without any $20’s!      

The most interesting story of last week sees Code Pink transforming from a treacherous nuisance into something that exists solely for our amusement. While it comes as no surprise that hairy legged women would be involved with the occult, the supposed use of the black arts as a last resort shows a pathetic degree of desperation. The combination of smelly, hairy pits and unwashed, unshaven 70’s style bushes has driven them all insane! If Code Pink devoted as much effort to their own personal hygiene as they do to their futile protests then their houses might be less likely to smell like barns. Instead, they choose to blame our brave military for the fact that they can’t get laid by man nor beast as opposed to really helping America by taking a shower. They make this stuff called deodorant that’s really cool too! Fox has provided a protest cam and if you don’t check it out, you’re worse than Hillary without Summer’s Eve Disposable Douche!
 

 

 

Last night, Democratic Senator Evan Bayh of Indiana stated that Hillary and Obama have different experience for being Commander-In-Chief.

ROTFLMFAO!!!

The sad thing is HE’S RIGHT!!!

There’s definately a difference between not much and next to none.

He then went on to repeat the same tired old liberal lie that “anything would be better than what we’ve had these past 8 years”.

Aside from the sheer idiocy of running against a president who isn’t even up for reelection, one must wonder if this puppet slept through the Carter Administration.

Senator, 4 years is a very long time for a nap or did it just take you that long to practice the aforementioned verbatim?

 

Is it not frightening enough that so many have embraced a man whom they know nothing about as their Messiah without him having offered any explanation as to the means by which to achieve his lofty goals? Is it not creepy enough that people faint when in his presence? How stupid is Obama himself not to have realized that the company he keeps would come back to bite him in the ass? Did he really think that no one would call his associations into question when he decided to run for the White House? This man’s indiscretions make Slick Willy look like an unruly teenager and his policies make the Carter administration look like a warm, sunny day in the park. Last but certainly not least, anyone who can make Hillary look like the lesser of two evils is terrifying beyond words and the undisputed embodiment of all that is wrong with the socialist left.

Senator, I’m sorry.

Did I hurt your feelings or your failings?

Clinton and Obama are both bad, almost as bad as McCain. However, Clinton and Obama want socialized medicine to help those that do have insurance. Let me see..How are they going to pay for this? I know raise taxes, why can’t people do like I do? I pay for my sons insurance and it isn’t bad like $78 a month better than something coming up and then me having to cough up the money for some broken arm.

These idiots and the mindless fools that are buying into their crap think they are getting even with those of us that work for a living. You increase government spending and raise taxes. Did these people not learn anything during the Reagan years? You lower taxes and guess what the revenues increased to the treasury. Imagine that.

Now I am not sure about Clinton but I know Obama has promoted raising the Capital Gains Tax. History has shown when that happens revenues fall, but does he care? NO because the mindless masses do not realize that they are investors most likely and will have to pay the increased taxes. The reasons they don’t realize this is that they think only the rich have investments. This isn’t true, I am sure they have some type of mutual funds and these will be subjected to this tax increase but hey they are stupid and want to screw the rich.

Obama is selling this and basically he is going to take the money from those of us that are productive citizens and subsidizing those that choose to not be productive citizens of the US. I say neither Clinton nor Obama is a wise choice. I am still not ready to back McCain because I tend to vote libertarian but this election is so close I may have to actually vote for McCain as I hold my nose.

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In an unprecedented action and state of affairs, Hillary has now agreed to appear on The O’Reilly Factor. With the far left base that she had originally took for granted now gravitating towards that pesky little brat Obama, she now has to pander to the right and the middle and try to make them think that mommy’s here to save them from her increasingly controversial competitor. Seeing as how populism is the Clinton philosophy, I surely can’t be the only one who saw this coming. I’m only surprised that I’m not surprised.

For a couple of years I have been getting my old inkjet cartridges and sending them to a company that had a display in the PETSMART. Doing this PETSMART Charities gets money and thus it helps homeless animals. Now the company that was buying these cartridges is selling them recycled. If you will buy these inkjet cartridges PETSMART can get $2 for every cartridge purchased and $5 for every laser cartridge you buy.

In order to accomplish this you need to go to cartridgesandphones.com and make sure to pick PETSMART Charities as your charity of choice. It isnt any easier to do something for the homeless animals.

PLEASE HELP THE REAL HOMELESS THAT CANT HELP THEMSELVES.

So embarrassed that he even hid his face at one point, Bob Beckel struggled to try to explain the current division within his party in an interview on F&F this morning. I almost felt sorry for this guy if anyone can believe it. What was even more sad was his feeble attempt to offer a solution to the dilemma that is the result of the superdelegate system which he himself helped to create. He proposes that the winner in each state be given a bonus among the delegates or something of that nature. Can anyone really take this guy seriously when his answer is to make the process even more complicated and even less democratic? I see this as being parallel to the left wing policy of bigger government. It is, after all, the same twisted excuse for logic. In their minds, bureaucracy equals progess despite the fact that history has proven the exact opposite to be true. The agenda advocated by the so called “progressives” is, IN ABSOLUTE TRUTH, REGRESSIVE! For these morons to continue to insist upon a failed approach is mind boggling and makes any reasonable person question not only their education but their sanity as well. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sit back and watch as the liberal retards keep trying to build things from the top down.

    

      The other day I rode along with my best friend out to The Standing Rock Indian Reservation at Ft. Yates, North Dakota.  We went out there to meet a pathologist from the FBI, and some other FBI agents who are investigating the murder of my best friends brother.  He was murdered in 1997 at 15 years of age by some other kids of the same age.  There were 3 of them.  Torrey explained to me that she knows exactly who did this to her brother.  She told me that now they are in their 20’s and are having a really hard time living with what they have done.  She said she told them at the time when this happened that as they got older they would have a harder time dealing with it.  In response they looked at her and just said, “Fuck you bitch! Prove it!”  Now she is only a few short steps away from having the physical evidence to do that very thing. 

     Before we started this meeting the gentleman who was conducting the meeting turned to me and asked me, ” Not to be rude or anything, but who exactly are you and how do you fit into all of this?”  My best friend Torrey sort of broke in and explained that I am her best friend and like a sister to her.  Then this man explained that in Native American Culture when 2 or more people gather together for any reason at all, it doesn’t matter what different races there are, they become bonded together like family forever.  This man looked at me and said, “Your mother passed away recently didn’t she?”  I was floored by his question.  I said, “Yes sir, she did, how did you know?”  He told me that he could feel her and see her energy around me.  He also told me that she is upset and worried for me right now.  He then went into a prayer in Native American language which was the most beautiful thing I think I’ve ever heard.  After the prayer, he explained that he is a Shaman of the Lakota Sioux Tribe at the  Standing Rock Reservation.  Being in the same room with him you could feel his energy and the power he holds.  Torrey has this same power, as do all of her siblings.  As it has been explained to me, she is of a royal bloodline in the Lakota Sioux Tribe. 

     Torrey also explained to me that she has dreams about people.  Sometimes she knows who they are other times not.  These dreams are usually things that haven’t happened yet.  For instance, when my mother was becoming sicker and sicker last summer, she knew that my Mom would be dying, she just didn’t know when for sure.  When I told her that I was flying out there to be with her, she just said, ” You realize this will be the last opportunity you will have to spend with her don’t you?”  I said yes, but how did you know that?    All she said in response was, ” I just know.” 

     Her entire family that I met adopted me as “Their White Girl” which I thought was hilarious!  They told me that although I am adopted and am not sure of my heritage that I should seek out where I come from because they all had a strong feeling that I am Native American.  They told me that anytime at all I am welcome to come to the Reservation to visit.  An invitation that is rarely given out to white people who they aren’t familiar with.  In closing I must say that this was the most powerful, eye-opening experience I have ever had.  I’m not sure if I can describe with words the feeling I had inside.  I felt totally comfortable from the moment I arrived, and Torrey’s family made sure of that.  They are unbelieveably wonderful people and I will always hold them close to my heart as I do family.  Just being there I could feel I was someplace extremely powerful, and with people who are extremely powerful.  If you ever look this place up on the map, it is right on the Missouri River in North Dakota which is an extremely spiritual place for Native Americans.  It is straight south of Bismarck, ND, and again the town is called Ft. Yates.  The landscape is extremely desolate and hostile looking.  There are many rattlesnakes in the area.  Torrey exlained that when the Reservations were laid out long, long ago, they were given the areas of land in which noone else wanted to be.  No man’s land in other words. 

I was only one of several people who predicted a Clinton victory in Pennsylvania. It clearly wasn’t a tough call. I also foresee that she will easily win my home state of West Virginia and most likely neighboring Kentucky as well. For months I have said that it’s foolish to underestimate the Clinton Mafia and assume that Obama is a lock for the nomination. Mark my word, this battle will go right down to the nitty gritty and infuriate countless numbers of Democrats while keeping Republicans such as myself laughing our asses off. In a related story, I just ordered yet another truckload of popcorn. Anyway, the funniest thing of all is the inconsequential nature of this futile war between the two and their supporters. Being a moderate, McCain will definately carry the all important swing vote and easily defeat either of these far left candidates. In any case, Hillary isn’t going away any time soon no matter how much betrayal she suffers from the MSM and the moonbat bloggers at HuffPo, MoveOn, Kos, etc. On a final and very bizarre note, one thing that I would have never predicted is seeing her being interviewed on FNC. Has hell frozen over?

BEFORE…..

Isn’t it more fun and rewarding to spend your time with a single individual with whom you share similar interests and values?

…..AND AFTER

 

DON’T TRY TO TELL US THAT MONOGAMY IS BORING!

It seems the DEBEH-LI-ZINI Mafia has exposed the Jewish Mafia as an Empty Suit organization with cafone leadership.

 

The DEBEH-LI-ZINI Mafia shall prevail

Swenson recently asked what happened to DG and it obviously made me analyze. Among other things, what really stands out is the almost absolute intolerance for conflict of any kind that it has adopted in recent months. Even the slightest disagreements are quickly quelled and one is lucky not to get wiped for getting into an arguement. Rather than having all of us just continue to regurgitate our same old blather, I’d bet the farm that it would be a lot more fun if the rules were more relaxed and allowed for some more confrontation like they did in the glory days. Nothing could pump some life back into DG like a good old fashioned troll war and if you disagree with me, you’re worse than Mikey! BTW, where’s Mikey when you need him?

“Air” Unicorn Jones tries to win the game for the Unicorns while Head Cheerleader Fluffy McNutter cheers him on.

 

Does anyone think that confronting ridiculous statements and opinions constitutes hostility? I don’t. In fact, I believe that it’s the duty of any responsible citizen to do so. If we allow outrageous misinformation to go unchecked and those who spread it to go unchallenged, where will that lead us? I’ll tell you where, STRAIGHT DOWN THE PRIMROSE PATH TO FASCISM! Am I the only one who is sick and tired of having to worry about “hurting someone’s feelings”? I doubt it but I also doubt that anyone who shares my “feelings” on the subject will speak out about it. Everyone knows the ridicule they will face if they do so. I, for one, refuse to sit idly by and allow the purveyors of deceit to turn our great nation into something that the founding fathers never intended it to be. I suspect, however, that I’m probably too late since this is far from the first domino to have fallen. Here’s a book that I’d like to recommend to everyone and if you don’t read it, you’re worse that Hitler had he written a 3rd!

Since the dawn of time, ten foot poles of all different materials have had to live in terror for fear of coming into physical contact with hideous creatures. Then one day, a sympathetic young man took pity on the poles and decided to set an historical precedent. He believed that if he could save just one pole from the clutches of evil that it might inspire others to do the same. So he set out on what was actually a very short journey and soon found a pole which was already shaking in terror as a large hairy beast was fast approaching. As fate would have it, his quest was indeed successful and others did follow suit with their own noble efforts. Today, increasing numbers of ten foot poles from all around the world no longer have to live in fear. Many of them have been saved simply by attaching American flags to them. Whatever happened to the young man and the pole that he soo bravely rescued has been lost to time but it is known that the looming threat that fateful day is one very unhappy lesbian.

My original comment is on this thread.

This may sound strange coming from a straight woman, but I have a few thoughts about The Leg Chair, and lets also remember that I am Pervalicious. My thoughts about The Leg Chair are that the concept is a stroke of genius from our Lord Gutfeld. However, when they have female guests on who wear jeans, or long dresses, shouldn’t they be placed elsewhere and reserve The Leg Chair for those guests who have beautiful legs AND want to show them off? I mean, I have nice legs and love displaying them whenever possible!

I just think that The Leg Chair should be kept for those who like to show off their legs. If you got it flaunt it, right? And maybe it shouldn’t be just for women either! Maybe sometime Bill or Kev could show off their legs as well! Andy too for that matter! I know I’d appreciate it! Shouldn’t we women get some eye candy too? I think so! I have strayed from my point though…Bottom Line: If you DON’T wanna show off your legs, STAY OUT OF THE LEG CHAIR! Am I wrong?

 

 

 
     

THIS IS A FOX NEWS ALERT!!!

Despite numerous recent trips to East Asia and South America by Greg, myself any many others, we are still unable to acquire the adequate number of houseboys needed to accommodate our nations demand. This news is especially troubling given that the demand, for reasons unknown, has been growing at an alarming rate over the past year.  The train stations are drying up, the subways are drying up…EVEN THE TUNNELS!!!  Countless young men are now missing from underneath our nations bridges!!  This cannot be tolerated! Rumours are now surfacing that this is a plot by evil Mexicans who seek to seal our Southern borders! It is of the utmost importance that our government get involved and put an immediate stop to this very disturbing state of affairs! Anyone who doesn’t call their congressman this very moment and demand instant action is worse than Dat Ho after he ran away!

…AND NOW, SOME SCANTILY CLAD MIDGETS!

Tomorrow is April 8, which means it will be my birthday!! YAY!!  I will hope for unicorns, naked men, pictures of naked men, and Muppet Porn!  Thats right, I said it Muppet Porn!  The concept was introduced to me over the weekend and I must say that it was disgusting yet oddly arousing.  Lets just say that Grover is a kinky little bastard!

I will also begin drinking my super colossal, gigantic bottle of Jack Daniels with my best friend which will most likely cause us to go out to sexually harass us some guys! HA!  And with any luck we might just capture a few, throw them in the trunk, and bring them home to “experiment” on!  We might even stumble upon some new houseboys to abuse…I mean “re-educate”.  It will be a very special day indeed!  I just wish that all of you could be here to join in the debauchery and peanut butter orgy!  Just know that I will be thinking dirty thoughts about all of you tomorrow, and when I watch my Muppet Porn I will be thinking of you as well!  Unsettling isn’t it?  GOOD!!  LETS GET NAKED AND LET THE MAYHEM BEGIN!!!

     Recently, I have been staying with my best friend in Fargo, ND. So far it has been quite entertaining as she has two teenagers ages 13 and 15. So anyway, while my friend is at work, I have been watching her kids. Friday night, the youngest has a friend stay overnnght, and may I also include that the youngest is a boy and the oldest a girl. So my friends son has a girl stay over….nothing weird or anything. And within about an hour of her being there the fights began. It was really quite entertaining to watch. They fought over the phone, and the computer, and video games. Then finally his friend jumped on him and tackled him! THIS WAS AWESOME! Just like the WWE except with angry teens! WICKED! I tried to break it up and make them go to seperate corners, then I thought why? That would only ruin my entertainment and then I’d get bored. So I sat and watched, smoked a cigarette, and wished that I had a friend there to bet on the fights with me. My friends always miss the good stuff.

     So after a while, I grew tired of the yelling, and throwing food, so i stood up and told them to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN!! They did, and the quiet lasted for about 10 minutes. Then another thing occured to me, a question for the ages…Should I eat them? And if I did, would it be better to prepare them Grilled, Baked, or Deep Fat Fried? I say Grilled because it is much healthier. Being raised by wolves as I was, eating the young is always my first response, but on the other side of the coin, my best friend might get pissed, because what if she wanted to eat them first? My point is this….I will never re-produce again. Not only does pregnancy suck, but I produced hellspawn. He will be 25 in June and I’m just starting to like him. Rotten kid. Anyway, teenagers are evil, devious, mean, and will lie their asses off to get their way, and I miss being one so much it hurts!! HA! So what do you guys think? Grilled, Baked or Deep Fried? just wondering…

 

   

For reasons that I think should be obvious to everyone, I’ve been severely neglecting my own personal health over the past year. I’ve skipped appointments with doctors and dentists. I’ve hardly slept at all and I’ve even sacrificed proper nutrition. Don’t even ask about hygiene and grooming. As a result of all this madness, I’ll be requiring minor surgery on tuesday. I’ll spare everyone the details but I hope that some might learn from my mistakes lest they be sliced open themselves after a month long diet of mind numbing antibiotics and pain medications.

Am I afraid?   Just a bit.

Do I regret it?   HELL NO!!!

VIVA LA GUTGANG!!!

THE CHAMPAGNE IS ON ICE AND THE PANTS ARE ON NO ONE!!!

No, the procedure is not related to my nether regions, you perverts!

I was listening to Dave Ramsey the other day and he pointed out something that most of America hasnt thought about. A recession is 2 quarters of negative growth. And we havent seen this since the Clinton administration. According to a Nexis search you will find that Clinton during the 2000 election cycle Clinton had a recession but Americans didnt think they did. The Nexis search showed there was only 1,388 articles written about the recession. Now we are not in a recession. There have been 3166 articles about a recession which we are not having. Why would the media be reporting that we are in a recession when we arent in one?

My opinion is that the media has to paint the Republicans in a bad light so that they can have a liberal elected. All I have heard from the liberals running is more government programs. Where are they going to get the money for these programs? Raising taxes on the rich. I have news for you, you raise taxes and who pays for it? Not the rich (AKA Businesses) this isnt going to hurt them it will hurt you and I if we have any investments. Then the companies will raise prices and we will have a recession. Why will we have this? Because the media created it. to check out more information on this read http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,343671,00.html

It is of this bloggers humble opinion that our society is turning into nothing more than a bunch of mindless drones with no thoughts or opinions of their own. I would liken them to sheep leading wherever the shepherd decides to lead them. Personally I happen to like having my own thoughts and opinions. I like being able to ask Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How. Simple questions I realize, And yet they may be the most important questions that we can ask ourselves. But it seems that society has gotten to a point where they have stopped asking themselves these very questions. It seems to me that people arent thinking for themselves anymore, There letting others do there thinking for them,they let other people tell them what they should think, and even how they should feel. Well it’s time for a wake up call Society. So (WAKE UP) Society it’s time to start thinking for yourself again. But that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.

 

 

     Once again today I was thinking, as I sometimes do, about my quest for world domination.  As President of Pervocity, I shall lead the world into a much more “orgasmic” state shall we say?  I would meet honored guests in stilletos and a smile, while my Secretary of Pervology, Jack Sparrow,  will wear suspenders and a cock ring.  Anyhoo, I then had a thought, wouldn’t our King, Lord Gutfeld need a country or two to call his own?  I for one, think he would.  I then had to consider what he may want, I thought first of Macedonia, Vietnam, and Mongolia.  They produce the best houseboys you know.  But I thought he might also like something a little closer to home.  So I would be willing to give him a state or two to call his own.

     My personal choices would be Florida, because of the nice warm weather, and North Dakota, because he would need a punishment state and besides, do we really NEED two Dakotas?  The idea is that his territories would be called the House Boy Nations.  Within its borders, houseboys would be trained and punished properly.  When houseboys are good and obedient, they are rewarded with a stay in Florida, when they are devious and insubordinate they would then be sent to North Dakota where no matter how loud they scream, no one would hear them.  A thing of beauty yes I know.  It then occured to me that maybe Lord Gutfeld might want to choose his own states.  So I can only hope that he reads this and promptly gets back to me.  And if any of you out there disagrees with me, then you sirs, are worse than Hitler without any houseboys!!!   

 

I used to love to go to the DG and read the post as well as the comments. Together(post, comments) they were great to read.

I have not been to the Gut for awhile because it seems the comments section has become OT( Greg use my material audition)

Anyway the DG for me used to be fantastic when the post and comments went together. Now I think it sucks.

Tonight, as part of exposing the lie about Polar Bears being endangered, Glenn Beck suggested that we should eat them. Aside from reminding me of something that Greg might say, I, being the rabid carnivore that I am, became infinitely intrigued by this idea. I’m overwhelmed with anxiety by thinking about what Polar Bear meat tastes like. Taxidermy also comes to mind as well. Glenn also noted that their population has risen 300% since 1972 which means that they’re breeding faster than humans! One must wonder what kind of bullshit the liberals will make up next to try and sell the illusion of global warming. I’ll confess that I’m ready to throw Knut on my grill and anyone who doesn’t like it is worse than Professor Gore eating Pandas!

metalgirl_1-00000.jpg     Much has been made recently of the Levy Law.  It has been enacted in several cities throughout the U.S. as well as Canada, France, and most recently Mongolia. The community of South Park, CO, in direct defiance of the Levy Law, has now made ownership of felines illegal. A case before the supreme court is pending. Don Chickadee of the Jewish Mafia has previously stated that she supports the law, but will offer no further comment. The debate surrounding this controversial legislation doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon. Just how far should the rights of cats and cat owners extend? A free society such as ours should have an extensive debate on this issue. I mean, do people really have the right to snort catpiss or “cheesing” as it has been called, even if it is consentual? I’m not sure what to think of this one folks.  My question is, what would Levy do, and how will he react when he finds that there is a community that is in direct defiance of the very law that he enacted? I’m just glad that I don’t live in South Park, CO as I have a feeling that the catpiss is gonna hit the fan!! After all, we MUST protect our pussies!

Here are the clips of Greg using PowWow’s original masterpieces!
 

http://tinyurl.com/2n3v4w

http://tinyurl.com/2uu2he

I know this has taken me a while to post on this thing again, but it’s because I suck!  So it’s time for my deep thoughts:

1. I’m sick of the election stuff.  I hope McCain wins so that I can see people I know stroke out.  Plus I honestly think he’d do the best job.  I don’t agree with all of his stances, but he’s the only grown up in this race.

2. I just read that Madonna wants to remake “Casablanca.”  Hooo Boy.  I hope it’s an April Fools’ Joke, but my goodness, I can’t think of a crappier idea.  I might have a stroke or maybe go postal.

3.  I had a family member try to explain the Israeli Palestinian situation to me.  I started laughing when she got the basic facts of the 1967 war wrong and promptly explained where her reasoning was wrong (to say the least).  And her story about the poor downtrodden Palestinians was just hysterical, considering who is at fault for that.  Everyone’s an expert nowadays.  Apparently I should just agree with her even if I’ve, oh, I don’t know, been there.

4.  I felt a certain amount of joy when “StopLoss” failed miserably at the box office.  Hollywood sucks!

That is all, for now!

As I’m sure everyone knows, I’ll be voting for McCain this fall not because I want to but because I’d never vote for a Democrat even if my life depended on it. I’m sure as hell not going to let one win by not voting either. I agree with the Senator on most issues but the one problem I have is his stance on illegal immigration. This isn’t even a partisan argument. 80% of Americans want our borders secured and are opposed to amnesty. Bozos in D.C. from both parties are in the pockets of corporations who want cheap labor and the liberals are always desperately seeking votes from poor, uneducated people. In a recent interview with Sean Hannity, McCain stated that “they are God’s children too” and that we must deal with them in a “humane” way. God’s children too? Guess what Senator, so is every murderer on death row. I’m not comparing illegal aliens to murderers but they are here ILLEGALLY and as such THEY ARE CRIMINALS and should be dealt with accordingly. You want to be “humane” Senator? FINE! Give them all a complimentary burrito on their way back to Mexico. The only ones that I want to stay are my housegirls and anyone who disagrees with me is worse than Hitler with the runs!

I hope everyone is paying close attention to the news these days. The race between baby boy and the bitch represents an historical height of left wing stupidity. Supporters of both are now saying that they will either vote for McCain or just stay home if their candidate doesn’t win the nomination. Yes, the grin on my face is a thousand miles wide. This infighting will culminate at the Democratic national convention in what is sure to be one very nasty circus. Yes, I’m buying popcorn by the truckload. What was that old saying about cutting off ones nose? Nevermind. Keep up the good work, Democrats. WE LOVE YOU! I wonder how big the grin on Senator McCain’s face is. His may extend from sea to shining sea.

On more than a few occasions, the subject of healthcare has come up in my discussions with friends, family, and acquaintances. With the upcoming presidential election, and in particular the Democratic Party debates, the topic of “universal” healthcare often comes up. This is not surprising, given the sad state of affairs currently encompassing our present structure of healthcare. The focus on how to fix the problem basically has boiled down to various options where the Federal government takes on an extensive role in the administration of healthcare, be it forcing people to acquire insurance in the private sector, to the all-out institution of socialized medicine. I have decided that I am in no rush to have the government take charge, either way.

If you remember the “X-Files”, there was a poster on Mulder’s office wall of a flying saucer with the caption “I want to believe”. And that’s my feeling about government managed healthcare – I want to believe that it would be possible for the government to provide us a means of affordable and effective healthcare. Unfortunately, awhile back, I saw an interview on a cable news show that convinced me that it was more likely we had alien technology in our government’s possession, than in the ability of our government to manage such an endeavor as providing reasonable healthcare to all in our great nation.

As I recall it, I was flipping through the various cable channels, and I happened upon Bill Maher being interviewed by Larry King. Bill Maher had complaints about the administration of the U.S. Military, complaints about how and when they are used (including the Iraq War), complaints about how much it costs, complaints about questionable contracts for equipment and services, and complaints about no-bid contracts to Halliburton, etc. (That’s basically what I got out of it, as I can recall, anyway). In other words, Maher was basically espousing the usual anti-military viewpoints that come from those of the liberal persuasion. In defense of Maher, many of those arguments are legitimate, and, of course, there is no better defender of the liberal view than Maher – he is funny, articulate, and thinks about what he wants to say to make a point clearly.

Before I continue, I don’t want to put words into Bill Maher’s mouth…he wasn’t speaking of healthcare…he just inspired me to think of it in a different way. Liberals often rage against the way the military is run (or even exists), and they are almost consistently on the side of “universal” healthcare, or, more likely, socialized medicine.

And that’s when it hit me: if liberals didn’t like the no-bid contracts to Halliburton, why would they like a no-bid contract to Merck?

Don’t think that a no-bid contract to a pharmaceutical company wouldn’t happen? Why not? If it happens in the military-industrial complex, why wouldn’t it happen when the government has a really big say-so in healthcare? After all, it’s the way the government rolls…it’s the way the government does business…

How upset would people be to find out that under government managed healthcare, a pharmaceutical would be chosen to treat a given disease, not based on its effectiveness in clinical trials, but on the basis of a powerful congressman pushing a bill down through Congress because the factory is in that Congressman’s state?

Further, from what I’ve seen on TV and what I’ve read on legitimate news websites, it seems to me that the “universal” healthcare proposals put forth by Clinton and Obama are merely expansions of the Medicare and Medicaid programs. The government is often criticized for their failure to adequately deal with fraud, waste and abuse in Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security. If these issues haven’t been properly resolved, how much better can the medical programs being be proclaimed as solutions by the Democratic candidates actually be? Never mind the fact that a Democrat doesn’t seem to be able to tell the difference between a citizen and an illegal alien. 47 million without healthcare – is that 47 million citizens? Could be a big difference in costs…

Some people also seem to think that all the current problems of accessibility would go away. Obviously, as the government takes more responsibility for healthcare, they’re going to hire professionals that have been in the business. And they’re going to find means to cut your care, given a finite set of resources versus overwhelming demand. Would it make you feel any better if the rejection letter for your procedure came from Uncle Sam, instead of, let’s say Cigna?

It gets worse. If the government is your provider, I suspect that it may be just that much harder to sue them. When your private insurer makes a decision or a rule, you can attempt to sue them, and the judicial system mediates. When the government is your healthcare insurer, you’re not just challenging your provider, you’re calling into question the law of which they are bound to in their operation. The judicial system is also part of government. Easier to challenge an evil corporation, than challenge the law of the land.

Then it hits you in the wallet. The impression I get is that so-called “universal” health care means that those who have employment will stay high premiums, along with their employers, along with new taxes to cover the others. I don’t know much, but I know that as long as health insurance is tied to employment status, there will be problems.

Well, to summarize, the point here is that if you find fault with the military-industrial complex, why on God’s green earth would you think things would be any different if the Federal government was managing healthcare? I don’t understand how the liberals came to the conclusion that government running medicine is a great idea.

As Mulder’s flying saucer poster says, “I want to believe”. Unfortunately, in the end, all I see is a half-assed attempt at using the problems of healthcare as a means to further the cause of Marxism, i.e. putting government in charge of everything. Sadly, I see no actual solutions in sight.

P.S. ABC was foolish and imprudent in canceling Bill Maher’s “Politically Incorrect” show.

My father is the biggest junk food junkie on Earth. I’m not kidding. There isn’t a day that goes by that he doesn’t either make or buy something such as cookies, cakes, pies, brownies, fudge, ice cream, doughnuts etc. This makes me SICK! To constantly stuff ones face with things that aren’t healthy for you is INSANE! Dad also recently learned that he has diabetes and he still won’t stop! He’s also too fat to even see his feet. I’m not calling for Kosher law but it’s only reasonable for everyone to be somewhat health conscious. Instead of scarfing down endless amounts of crap that you know is only going to make you obese and ill, try having some salmon with olive oil for a change. Personally, I’m tired of looking at fatasses and anyone who disagrees with me is worse than Hitler chugging a bottle of maple syrup after eating a pound of pork sausage.

Contrary to the popular belief about Christmas, it is actually Easter which is the most Holy day within the Christian faith. In fact, it is the only true Christian holiday. Contrary to what anti-religious bigots might say, true Christianity is not a fascist religion. True Christianity teaches tolerance, humility, charity, compassion and above all, LOVE. These are the qualities which gives one true joy in life and, if faithfully adhered to, true peace. A true Christian hates no one but rather loves even those which they despise. It is this attitude which makes us the happy people we are. It is this approach to life that allows us the power to make the world a better place. Conventional wisdom states that John 3:16 is the most important verse in the Bible. I disagree. I believe that the most important verse in the Bible is Matthew 3:15 in which Jesus says “Suffer it to be so now for thus it becometh us to fulfill all righteousness”. This was a response to John the Baptist’s question as to why Jesus would come to him to be Baptized but there is a deeper meaning here. As benevolent people, we must do whatever work is necessary and make whatever sacrifices we must in order to create a better future for ourselves and our children. This is the philosophy that made the United States of America the greatest nation the world has ever known. God bless us, everyone.

HAPPY EASTER!

Let me ask you a few questions. Who says that America was asking for the attacks on 9/11? Who says that America is a racist state? Who says that Israel is a racist state?

The answer is the same man that praises the likeness of Louis Farakhan who has described whites as “blue-eyed devils” and Jews as “bloodsuckers.” The same man that claims that Farrakhan a pillar of integrity. The same man gave Louis Farrakhan a lifetime achievement award.

The man in question is Rev. Jeremiah Wright. That is the same Reverend Wright that is the minister at the church Obama attends. It is the same Rev. Wright who made very racist and prejudicial remarks about non-blacks. Many of these statements occurred as early as 2005. WorldNet daily reported this in January, but the main stream media is just now reporting this. Makes me wonder why they sat on this so long. Maybe because they wanted Obama to be the nominee and then when anyone said anyting negative about Obama they could play the race card? I don’t know, but after seeing what Obama’s pastor and close friend has to say it makes me wonder just how raciest is Obama?

I have always said people are racist and that is just nature, but I think there are certain degrees of racism. The skin heads-well we know where they stand on jews and blacks. On the other end of the spectrum we have Farakhan and Rev. Wright. I think most Americans are in the middle somewhere. The reason I say this is if you go to any public place where people are allowed to choose the places they want to sit, most of the time the races will segregate themselves. You may not have 100% segregation but the majority will be. This is just human nature. We want to associate with people like ourselves, which brings me back to Obama and Rev Wright. Can these two people be that different?

Your Reading assignment is http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=59887

then you decide where he stands.

metalgirl_1-00000.jpg     As we all know Charlie Sheen is a combination of icky and creepy all at once, but did you know that he is also certifiably insane?  Being spawned from aliens and Martin Sheen has only been a liability for him.  He has been cursed with the Sheen Stupidity factor which has weakened his mind over time.  This is a man who has abused drugs to legendary proportions, allegedly abused his ex-wife the beautiful Bond girl Denise Richards, and was indeed addicted to hookers.  In fact, while still married to Denise Richards, he continued to abuse drugs, and visit hookers.  It is obvious to me that the dummening effect and Sheen Stupidity factor has taken over.  I ask you, is this a man that anyone should listen to about anything at all? 

As wacky and maniacal as Rosie in his nonsensical  9/11 conspiracy theories, he too has chosen to go public with his claims.   To suggest that America had attacked itself on that fateful day is absolutely and completely insane.  The picture he paints is that our President and other Government agencies not only knew of this attack, but helped plan it in order to start an oil war.  Now remember, this is a man whose brain has been made into mush by both his own hand and by genetic defect.  My solution to the problem is this…much like the “re-education” of Clooney, so will be the “re-education” of Charlie Sheen.  There is one small problem, he is also indeed the worlds only living brain donor.  Now then to rectify this I must find a suitable brain to transplant into his tiny skull.  To make the claims he has makes not one iota of sense.  Therefore he has no brain or any form or fashion of functioning thought patterns.  Once I find a brain in which to transplant, he will then be educated as to the truth of the events of that day.  It is his only hope for future intelligence.

May I also say that anyone stupid enough to believe anything that this man has to say is worse than someone who has a crush on Hitler, and if there is someone that stupid, then they will be the next on my brain transplant list.

“Wright” is WRONG and everyone knows it. Most people, if they have a brain, also know that Obama is wrong to have sat in his congregation for 20 years and that a vote for him has now been shown to be even riskier than was known before. As if that weren’t bad enough, Obama has now been linked to the “Reverend” James Meeks. Am I the only one who smells a pattern here? How are we to believe that Obama truly isn’t a bigot himself when he not only associates with but even follows the ”guidance” of people who are so clearly racist and anti-American? Would a real “uniter” willingly expose themselves to such hatred? The “Black Liberation Theology” preached by these men calls for the annihilation of the white race. What does it take for people to see the danger here? Will Malik Shabazz have to knock on everyone’s door first? Meanwhile, all the MSM can talk about is how great Obama’s most recent speech was. Call me crazy but something tells me that isn’t the real story. Then again, what do I know? I’m only a guy who does his homework.

I now have two videos on YouTube about Bill Schulz’ pronounciations of Huckabee and Nifong.

I’d find it hard to believe that I’m the only one who is annoyed by whiny people. We all get offended at times by comments from others that make us feel “uncomfortable” but we don’t all shed tears over it. The world is a cruel place and those that can’t handle it usually don’t do too well in life. It makes it even worse when people choose to issue their grievances by proxy or seek to act on them in a passive aggressive manner, cowardice being a sign of poor character in my opinion. It’s even more pathetic and unjust when complainants refuse to offer specifics as to just what their problem is. So, if you really have some beef with someone, confront them directly! Otherwise, suck it up like an adult and shut the hell up. It might also be a good idea to grow a pair and anyone who disagrees with me is worse than Hitler crying to his mommy!

No one likes it when they’re not invited to a party.  It especially sucks when you get invited to a party and then summarily thrown out by the 2 people who are throwing the party.  You know who they are.  They are the hot couple.  The popular guy at school and the popular girl at school.  And they all have the same type of relationship; he is basically her bitch.  She orders him around like a drill sergeant orders around a cadet.  There the two people who think they’re bigger than sliced bread but at the same time they drop a huge steaming pile of crap on those that they consider to be “beneath them.”  At first you feel hacked off.  But eventually you realize that you are better off without them, because you shouldn’t hang out with people who are that pompous.  Its better to be among the few little people that like you than the “big people” who treat you like serfs.

metalgirl_1-00000.jpgSo Hillary Clinton thinks she’s going to be our next President.  Well I’d like to say a few things about that if I may.  I’d like to start by saying that Hillary is nothing more than powermad, and is only out for her own agenda.  Now that may be stating the obvious, but she still has so many followers, or sheep as I like to call them.  Sheep will follow whoever is leading them, and Hillary has just enough experience to get their attention and get them to blindly follow along.  More people need to open their eyes and see her for what she really is.  A self-obsessed, self-absorbed, ego maniacal,  power monger, who is only interested in helping herself and those like her.  If Hillary becomes our next President she will not only ruin our country, but ruin our relationship completely with the rest of the world.  To be fair, Obama would do the same thing.  There is no stand out candidate on either side this election, but I would rather see McCain win than the Democrats.  Why?  Because the Democratic party has become something very, very different than ever before.  They are nothing more than extreme Liberals.  Any extreme whether it is right or left is bad.  Very bad.  There is so much more at stake than the interests of just one party.  It’s about the country as a whole, including EVERYONE in it with all different interests and beliefs, both right and left and inbetween.  It is also about how our country connects with the rest of the world as well.  Hillary will surely destroy any opportunity we may have to improve relations with other countries with her arrogance. 

If either one of the Democrats wins the Presidency it will surely be the beginning of the end.  Obama is extremely short sighted.  He only wants to help the minorities and wants to screw over everyone else.  They both will convieniently overlook the war on terror and allow Al-Qaeda to move right in, not that they haven’t already.  Back in the 60’s and 70′ the hippie movement was all about peace and love.  Today some of those hippies are striving for power, but what they don’t realize is that the peace and love of the that time is no more.  This world we live in today is a very different place from that time.   The peace and love they preached has been replaced with arrogance and greed and bigotry towards those who disagree with thir world view.  The Democrats have become the most intolerant group of people in our government.  They go on wild rants about anyone who disagrees with them on any topic, whether it’s the economy, foreign relations or immigration.  Name a topic and if your view is different than theirs then they will spread slanderous lies throughout the media.  It’s a disgusting and disturbing state of affairs.  What it boils down to is that Hillary is nothing more than a Marxist.  She wants to have the power to make all of our decisions for us and to control our every move. 

Barrack Hussein Obama when taking the pledge of allegience faced in the correct direction, but did not however place his hand over his heart.  He shows no reverance for our flag whatsoever, nor will he wear an American Flag pin on his lapel.  He constantly metaphorically  disses our flag.  Now I ask you, is this someone you want as our President?  I say HELL NO!!

It’s no surprise that EvilAlienVampireCommieBitch’s, as my friend calls her, bid for the White House refuses to die. The power and influence of the Clinton Mafia should never be underestimated.  For his own sake, I pray that Obama doesn’t become the next person on their body count. The only thing that still puzzles me is whether the Queen Bitch will prefer male or female interns.  Hmmmmmmmm……now there’s the REAL question! 

In case anyone missed it, I got to speak with Greg, Andy and Bill on the Dennis Miller radio show today. The mp3 is posted below. Admittedly, I was somewhat nervous but I still managed to get some laughs. Whether he was serious or not, Greg made my day when he called me “A man after my own heart”. I didn’t get to say everything that I wanted to because of the usual time constraints they have in broadcasting but I squeezed in as much as I could. I thanked Greg for using my intro last night, talked about the lie that is global warming (I wish I could’ve thrown in something about Gore on that one) and the study about age as related to political ideology. My only real regret was that I missed a golden opportunity to tell Bill to SHUT UP!!! Rest assured, I won’t make that mistake again. Nonetheless, it was still cool. Hats off to the Red Eye crew. Rock on guys!

http://tinyurl.com/2mxo4r

PowWow can be heard at approximately 1:09:50

At about 1:44:10 you can hear malone followed by yours truly!

Right click and click

Last night, Glenn Beck asked why Elliot Spitzer would pay for prostitutes when he could screw the people of New York for free. About a half an hour later, after I managed to stop laughing, I began to think about the greater issue. From ancient monarchs and religious patriarchs to Thomas Jefferson to JFK to priests among the Catholic Church to Slick Willy to Larry Craig and now to this jerk, sexual impropriety seems to be far more common among people in positions of authority than among the common folk. My own amateur psychoanalysis tells me that their desire for power isn’t limited merely to leadership. I would submit that these people truly believe that they are superior to the rest of humanity and that as such they are entitled to a greater set of rights and privileges as well as a different, far more lenient, set of rules. My advice to these narcissistic bastards is that if you want to be promiscuous, DON’T GET MARRIED! My advice to the Governors wife is to take a lesson from Lorena Bobbit and anyone who disagrees with me is worse than someone named Father William Jefferson Hitler who spends thousands of dollars in airport bathrooms. 

I was watching Fox and Friends this morning when Janice Dean revealed that she had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I have health problems myself but they pale in comparison. To the best of my knowledge, Janice is a wonderful person who is truly deserving of all the love and compassion that any benevolent soul may have to offer. So I’d just like to take this opportunity to ask everyone to keep her in your thoughts and prayers because doing otherwise would make you worse than someone who looks like Hitler and doesn’t know how to dance. God bless you JD.

metalgirl_1-00000.jpgAre you now or have you ever been naked? Yes/No/Maybe

Please give a short list of cleaning credentials______________________________.

What size speedo do you wear? Small/Medium/Large/XXXL(it means exactly what you think)

What is your agility/flexibility range on a scale of 1-10, 10 being most agile_____.

Pervocity is not only demanded, it is a requirement and a priviledge. Anyone who does not comply with all Pervocity related standards shall be placed in the Genital Cuff until further notice! THAT WILL SHOW YOU!!!!

Are you accustomed to living in a basement? Yes/No/Where are the shackles?

What awards among Mud Wrestling/Jell-O Wrestling/Baby Oil Wrestling do you hold?__________.

How often do you masturbate? NEVER!/Hardly/Often/Pervotard/Lost Count/Broken Wrists

Do you cry during orgasms? Yes/No/Mommy Didn’t Love Me!

A description of your sexual stamina level is Bill Schulz/Limp/Pervotard/SuperFreak

Are you able to put on a condom using the French method? No/Yes/Huh?

A further requirement is to possess the ability to look fetching in a shorty robe. These will be provided and you have several options to choose from. They are as follows: Satin, Kitten Fur, Puppy Fur, Skin of Baby Birds, and Muskrat. One size fits most…Hole in the back included!

~ALL APPLICANTS MUST UNQUESTIONABLY SUBMIT TO THE WILL OF MISTRESS SANDI!~

Are you kinky?   Yes/No/Pervotard/How dare you!

Have you ever been kinky?   Yes/No/Confused

Have you ever considered engaging in kinkiness?   Yes/No/Pervotard

Do you love animals?   Yes/No/Too Much

Does the last question make you think of beastiality?   Yes/No/There’s a reason why I keep farm animals

What size panties do you wear?   Small/Medium/Large/XXXL/What panties?

Would you ever hesitate to demand oral pleasure?   Yes/No/DO IT!!

Are you between the ages of 18 and 60?   Yes/No/Old Enough

Are you considered to be short?   Yes/No/I make midget porn

Are you Latina? (It’s not a requirement but it helps)   Si/No/I Likey The Dirty Sanchez

Do you have a full head of hair?   Yes/No/I have a lot of fur if that’s what you’re asking

Do you know how to use whips, chains, blindfolds and handcuffs properly?   Yes/No/Pervotard/SHUT UP AND DO WHAT YOU’RE TOLD!

Do any of these questions make you itch? (Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I mean)   Yes/No/Pervotard/Boy Butter

Are you able to have multiple orgasms?   Yes/No/Pervotard/Oh Yes, Yes, Yes!

Are you able to tell the difference between screams of ecstasy and screams of pain?   Yes/No/Deaf/Stupid/There’s a difference?

Have you ever attacked a man with a foreign object?   Yes/No/GET READY FOR YOUR BEATING!!!

~ALL APPLICANTS WILL BE EXPECTED TO SUBJUGATE THEIR CLIENTS! ~

Applications should be emailed to DogOnCrack@aol.com and should include photos, a short personal history and a resume if available.

THIS JUST IN!!!

A mole within The Clinton Mafia has leaked a secret report to the Panda/Unicorn Alliance which states that several Alien/Cock Roach hybrids have recently been found dead. The source goes on to say that they were apparently beaten to death with bags of kitty litter which they were then covered in. Speculation that this is the work of “The Levy” is already surfacing and it could mean the beginning of a war between the Clinton and Jewish Mafias. Don chickadee of the Jewish Mafia was unavailable for comment as of press time but attempts to contact her continue. Further updates will be posted as they develop. 

………And now back to election coverage already in progress.

Obama’s momentum and the rage over him is unlike anything I’ve seen in American politics since Reagan in 84 (YES I WAS into politics at that age and NO I don’t care if you don’t believe me). I suspect, however, that it will all come to grinding, heartbreaking halt in the fall. I honestly can’t imagine anyone over the age of 40, who isn’t a far left nutjob or an African American voting out of black pride, standing in a booth in November and actually pulling the lever for this risky newcomer. Mr. Articulate will also have to earn himself yet another degree before he’ll have any prayer of seriously debating McCain on the issues where he’ll be forced to explain the specifics of his policies for the first time. If he doesn’t do one major shitload of homework between now and then, McCain will take him to school the way Reagan did Mondale 24 years ago. For those of you who think you may see some kind of Kennedy versus Nixon show, just remember that JFK was very experienced and McCain won’t forget his makeup. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to work on my own campaign for the bid in 2016! That only gives me 8 years to CHANGE my clothes and my hairstyle. That is, unless Republicans start liking rock stars too.

HOPE!

CHANGE!

YES WE CAN DO WHAT?

Spew out an endless amount of nonsensical rhetoric that’s about as substantive as one of my beer farts?

Pardon me if I seem disrespectful.

I’m just tired of waiting for the “good Senator” to explain in detail just exactly how he hopes to accomplish all of his ridiculous pipe dreams.

Why is no one challenging him on the issues?

Don’t you just feel like invading Pakistan today?

Baby boy is going to need to “CHANGE” his diaper if he makes it to the White House.

I know that I’ve stated this before at DG and other forums but I once again feel it necessary to offer some friendly advice to the idiots who are stupid enough to use this unbelievably ignorant term.

GRAB A DICTIONARY!

Look up the prefix “NEO”.

Then, look up the word “CONSERVATIVE”.

Then, look up the word “OXYMORON”, MORONS!!!

Don’t you want to quit making fools of yourselves?

PS : I apologize if I was incorrect in my assumption that you can actually read.

I pledge allegiance to Mama’s Bitch Flag of the United Gang of The Gut, and to Red Eye for which it stands, one GutGang under Greg, indivisible, with houseboys and housegirls for all!

PS : If you don’t love wankette, you’re worse than someone masturbating to pictures of Hitler!

The 21-year-old Wisconsin superdelegate Jason Rae backs Obama. He cited Obama’s support from an overwhelming majority of young voters as the major reason for his decision”.

 I Know this may shock some to see a Democrat Superdelegate use such Profound Logic and Reasoning to select a candidate.   I can not think of a better reason to back a candidate

metalgirl_1-00000.jpg~PERVOTARD~

~Noun~

An individual who enjoys, or is aroused by deviant sexual activity, but lacks the skill to perform it properly.  Usually due to inexperience, ignorance, or laziness.

And there are other mafias challenging my power???  I will not stand for that.

It’s time to deploy the Jewish mafia’s greatest weapon – more powerful than the guilt, more ominous than the hitting over the head, more feared than the Matzah ball.  It’s the Yenta.  She is the combination of all of these and more.  She is deadly with the guilt and the matzah ball.  And the hitting over the head? Forget about it!!!

 Once I deploy the Yenta and the shabbat wine, I will re-establish my power amongst the mobs!  Of course, if the Yenta fails (and she won’t), I will of course use my contacts at Mossad and NO ONE wants that!

Raul Castro has stated that he intends to make certain “structural changes” as Cuba’s new Head of State but it’s unlikely to be anything significant. It clearly reeks of trading one dictator for another of the same blood who will have more time for photo ops with Chavez. You never know, they might even bring in Mahmoud for what would undoubtedly be a historical portrait that I’m sure everyone on Earth would love to have hanging in their living room. Let’s not forget about T-shirts either. That being said, I’d like to consider the other possibilities. Might there be elements within the Cuban population or perhaps even our own government that will see this as an opportunity to overthrow an oppressive regime led by a newer, weaker and less experienced tyrant? One can only hope. The only certainty is that the world is a better place without Fidel at his nations helm. Did I mention that I can’t stand commies?

I CAN’T STAND COMMIES!!!

…and cuts off Red Eye, sort of a reverse of the 1968 “Heidi Game” in which a closely fought Jets-Raiders game was interrupted by a movie.
Damn Cuba
Damn Castro
Damn Carson Daly
Carson Daly?  I just hate him. (I know, the original line was Steve Allen, but he died after Al Bundy uttered the line)

I find the controversy over the Superdelegates to be all too amusing. When even left wing pundits themselves express concern and admit that there’s a problem, I laugh even harder. How can anyone expect these morons to decide how best to run the country when they can’t even decide how they want to go about deciding for who they want to decide on? Republican strategist Andrea Tantaros made a comment on FNC about how the “Democratic Party” has the least democratic treatment of it’s voters. I certainly don’t advocate something as dangerous as absolute democracy but I can’t stand mislabelings either. Why don’t they either change the name of their party or stop disenfranchising the electorate? In any case, the worst is yet to come because the real feces has yet to collide with the rotating coolant device. Start popping the popcorn now!

PS : Our good friend Bob Beckel said something this morning about Professor Gore being selected to mediate and preside over the decision. It doesn’t get any better than this.

I have heard a lot about the Jewish mafia lately.  But their power pales in comparison to the power of the Japanese mafia.  We are by far the most dominant criminal organization on the face of the Earth.  Our leader Kelly Hu can not be defeated!  Here is a list of ten of our accomplishments:1.  The invention of the twinkie.2.  Creating American Idol.3.  The nuclear attacks on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.4.  Sesame Street.5.  Will Ferrel.6.  The New England Patriots.7.  Yorkshire Pudding.8.  Six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon.9.   The Pajama Gram commercials.10.  and the Vermont Teddy Bear commercials.There are many more accomplishments.  But this is just a small list of them.  But be careful.  Those who fail to respect our power will suffer mightily! 

metalgirl_1-00000.jpgTHIS IS A FOX NEWS ALERT!  It has been reported that the Midget Mafia has just attacked the Jewish Mafia.  Jewish Mafia Don, Chickadee has escaped injury, but some of her enforcers, David Schwimmer, Newhart, and Andy Levy were kicked in the shins and bitten on the knees.  It is now known that the Rainbow Brite Gang, a faction within the Midget Mob, has claimed responsibility.  They are sending a message to Chickadee which is, “Rainbow Brite is here to stay!  I have planted a sparkle dust bomb at Chicks’ headquarters, scheduled to go off in exactly one minute after this message is broadcast.”

A word of advice to Chickadee from Fox News:  Midgets are attracted to sugar packets.  It is a weakness that few know about.  It is also a tool that could be used in capturing them.  Good luck.

This has been a FOX NEWS ALERT!  More on this story as it develops.  Now back to RedEye already in progress. 

It wasn’t long ago that a certain 20 year old friend of ours (who shall remain nameless for his own protection) felt it necessary to express his “personal feelings” for the lovely and talented Ms. Betty White. This prompted me to respond “Are we onto Greatgilfs now?” Is there a growing desire among American men for the love and companionship of elderly women? What would be the consequences of such a trend? I beg you all for the sake of your country to weigh in on this all important issue because whether you’re helping them across the street or out of their pajamas, old ladies are ladies too.

The alley and lack of newspaper makes for cold living

Let’s start a list, shall we?

1. Christmas

2. The War on Christmas

3. 9/11

4. The War in Iraq

5. Global Warming

6. Hurricane Katrina

7. The Internet

8. Porn

9. Movies, TV, Music

10. The Writer’s strike

11. Literacy

12. Illiteracy

13. The Nazis, the Holocaust, the World War II

Any other ones  you all can think of?

"Teacher reveals he taught high school for 17 years without being able to read, write or spell."

John Corcoran graduated from college and taught high school for 17 years without being able to read, write or spell.What do you think?

http://www.10news.com/news/15274005/detail.html

Obama has a large following because he is for change and bringing everyone together.

  What are the changes Obama will make to allow this to happen? He has never said what his plan for change involves, just that we need change.

Agreed we need change, will Obama’s change be good for us or will it has a negative effect on our country. Answer is no can answer because Obama has never explained what his plan is.

The Anti-Christ will bring all together for the good of all. This is the promise of Obama. Many are excited about his plan for the good of us all, yet they have no idea what it is.

Many are following the great Obama blindly to what end???????

This is NOT saying Obama is the Anti-Christ. This is about how easily people today will blindly follow someone who promises happiness, without knowing how they will get there.

I’m just barely old enough to remember a time when people used phones for necessity rather than convenience. I just received a call from one of my brothers who had no reason for calling me other than his own boredom. I couldn’t help but ask him if his cable went out. Am I a bad person for not wanting to sit on the phone and talk about NOTHING!? It’s more tedious than watching CNN. I think that his time and mine would be more well spent doing something productive rather than yacking on about the same old crap with the same rhetorical blather. I only dial someone up when I feel like I need to and I certainly don’t keep them on the line for hours, rambling on about things that we both already know. If you or someone you know is a phone junkie, you might be worse than Hitler with a cell!

the person who is in fifth place? 

 Seriously?  In the olympics only the WINNER gets a gold medal.  The best in their event at that time wins the gold medal.  The fifth place person/team does not get a medal.  All those kids out there who get medals no matter how bad they are seem to think… “oh hey I can suck and still win!”  That’s not how it should be.  People who honestly work hard, do their best, and make their good better and their better best should get the gold medals.  All this “feel good” BS is getting out of hand.  It is creating a generation of children who think they can do whatever they want and still be winners.  NO!  They need to be told, listen, you didn’t get a medal this time but if you work harder and do better hey you might get one.  That will create pride and ownership in their win.  As the quote from the movie “The Rock” goes… “Losers go home, winners go home and fuc% the prom queen.”  That’s how it’s done.  You want to go home with the prom queen (sorry ladies only quote like that I have) you have to be the winner.  Fifth place doesn’t get the prom queen now does it?  NO!  WINNERS get the queen.  (okay got side tracked a little bit) If the kids notice that only the true winners get gold medals they will hopefully try harder to succeed and hopefully get off their ever increasingly sized butts and work harder to get that gold!  Maybe create way more incentives to win?  That might do it… I don’t know.

Everyones basement tends to get too cluttered from time to time and this is one of those times for me. I can hardly even walk around down there right now without stepping on something or someone, living or dead. In my drunkenness, I mistakenly made a few too many trips to South America and am now left with an overwhelming surplus of young men littering even the crawspace. On top of it all, my incinerator crapped out and that makes disposal a major issue. So if you’re in the market, send me an email! Dead or alive, I’ve got just what you’re looking for! Prices starting at $199.95!

metalgirl_1-00000.jpgI don’t care what anyone says, following Clooney from gay bar to gay bar is no easy task.  Tracking George Clooney calls for an unbelieveable amount of caution.  If he becomes suspcious he gives off an extra amount of smugness.  This can be dangerous.  I have given my word to stop the Clooney hypocrisy by capturing him and keeping him in my basement, which will then make the world a safer, more smug-free place to exist.  Facts have shown that global warming is due only to the smugness given off by Clooney.  He must be stopped. 

I have contacted my superior Chickadee and informed her of Clooney’s whereabouts.  He is at The ManHole having a drink with one of my informants, Gerardo.  Clooney seems to be unaware that I am tracking him.  The weapons that would normally be used to capture someone had to be revised in this case.  For instance guilt, this is something that is useless on someone who has no shame, and throwing things, his giant self-righteous jaw can deflect almost anything.  No, something different must be implemented.  The options are smacking him up a little to get him off guard, then by putting into place the genital cuff.  I am a big believer in the genital cuff.  It will render him useless(like he isn’t already!), and it will render him helpless by stopping the production of smugness.  Only then will the world be safe.  Gerardo has now won his trust and Clooney has successfully  drank all of his roofie-colada.  The time has come to make my move….I must GET CLOONEY!!

You can die for us but don’t train here. I don’t think we need a President, we need a Dicktator to kick some butt.

Wonder how they will feel when the people runnung around with the guns aren’t the Marines

I’m often asked how a Jewish mafia takes out or intimidates people.

Our first weapon is, of course, guilt.  Like a good Jewish mother, we can guilt someone to death.  “Why don’t you call more often? We’re your mafia.  You don’t love us very much, nu?” “What our food isn’t good enough?”  “Why are you so picky?”   “You should maybe lose a little weight. No one likes Fat Mafia people.”

The next weapon we try is throwing things.  Fish to the face, horses’ heads, hubcaps, filthy smelly hippies. Mostly because such a good way to relieve stress it is.  As well, maybe we hit someone a little bit.  It’s somewhat successful, but I can’t really talk about it.

 Sometimes we end up just threatening people with matzah balls.  For some reason they work the best to intimidate people.  Possibly because they taste like plaster and could honestly take out an elephant.

Any questions?

Greg felt it necessary to elaborate on this issue and, being passionate about it myself, I do as well. For these bay area morons to ridicule and disenfranchise the selfless people whose sacrifices not only protect their sorry asses from being beheaded by barbarians but also afford them the right to exercise their freedoms seems almost deliberately ignorant. If I were a marine, I’d probably like to do a Code Red on Code Pink because they obviously can’t handle the truth. Just for once, I’d like to see some of these anti-war activists go to the middle east themselves and try telling the Jihadists to “BE NICE”!!! After all, who wouldn’t take the advice of people who are soo very wise? I’m sure they could’ve touched Hitler’s heart too.

GOD BLESS OUR BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN!

Huck-a-who?

HuckainSo Mike Huckabee says he’s going to stay right where he is, and still run for president. Granted I understand that it looks bad for him, but so what? You definitely have to give him credit for holding on like he has. A lot of people drop out of the races to show that they understand that they are not their parties’ choice.

One thing you have to admit, though, is that we have all heard that quitters never win. And of course, we all know the story of the tortoise and the hare. People have been know to come from behind and win, even if they were way behind. Mitt Romney may have even dropped out because he didn’t think he could win, but also just to see what would happen with Huckabee.

On the other side, we have Barack and Hillary being congenial and we keep hearing that whoever wins, the other will probably be their running mate. Maybe, maybe not. The two may be nice to each other now, but we know that the two have had some very severe disagreements on policy and other issues. I could be way off base though, especially with the two nearly neck and neck with their delegates. With them running so evenly, they may have quite a bit of support from their own party and possibly within the independent vote, come November.

No matter who gets elected, on either side, it is certainly shaping up to be very interesting.

I’m also hosting a new poll over at my website. Who do you think will be the two candidates for president?

Like most right leaning people, I’ve always been completely disgusted by the left wing hypocrisy of the MSM and this incident is one of the most offensive to date. Can you imagine the uproar there would be if, say, Bill O’Reilly had been the one to make bathtub boy’s comment about Slick Willy and Richardson? Olby wouldn’t just spend half his time spewing his hatred for O’Reilly, he’d host a 2 hour long special on both MSDNC and NBC calling for the heads of everyone at Fox on a platter. There would be discussion panels around the clock on all the other networks as well all the way from now until November. The liberals at every major media outlet in America would mobilize their brainwashed minions and inspire them to start race riots all over the country which they would then blame on FNC and, of course, the Bush administration. In my opinion, what little right wing media there is doesn’t seem to be addressing this enough. I’ll end it to say that I wasn’t personally offended by the comment and I don’t think it was racist but, as we all know, it would’ve been if a conservative had said it.

http://www.newsbusters.org/blogs/ken-shepherd/2008/02/05/whats-olbermann-first-chicken-waffles-now-guacamole

The mess, the clean up and that awful smell! What is one to do? There are a few options. The best and most efficient way to dispose of the corpses is incineration. It’s quick, easy and leaves absolutely no evidence. However, having an incinerator in ones home is costly and most often inconvenient. For people who live near the ocean and own boats, burial at sea is a good choice but requires a massive investment in cinderblocks. Another good option is to feed the remains to living houseboys, housegirls, pets, annoying guests, etc. In any case, this is a growing problem and we must demand that the next President offer us a solution. I’m currently planning a trip to our nations capital to lobby for aggressive legislation. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Benito is due for his daily beating and Yelena is ready to play!

metalgirl_1-00000.jpgHi everybody!  Ya know, I was thinking the other day, like I do sometimes, and a couple things occured to me.  Most guys that I’ve ever encountered just dont’ know how to act when they go to a stripper bar, so I thought of a few do’s and don’ts to help with those of you who are idiots.  OK?  Here we go…

1.  First and foremost, ALWAYS tip your waitress. Why?  Because at the places I worked at, they WILL do stuff to your drink, and because it’s just good bar etiquette.

2.  If you are sitting at sniffers row up at the stage, TIP THE GIRLS!!!  Otherwise, why the hell are you there??

3.  BE NICE!!!!  Do I really need to explain that one??  I mean, come on…

4.  If you are sitting at a table and one of the girls comes around to “entertain” you and your buddies, there are a few things you should NEVER EVER do!  For example, DO NOT EVER heat up a quarter with a lighter and throw it at the girls!  It isn’t funny, even though you may think it is in your twisted head, it isn’t.  I saw many girls get nasty burns on their more sensitive areas and had to be taken to the ER in some cases.  Jackasses.  Never try to grab the dancer by the g-string, or the hair, or the boobs,or the vag, or anywhere and here’s why: You will get your ASS kicked! haha!  Usually, both by the dancer and by the bouncer!  Believe me if your ass is gonna get kicked, you want it to be by the bouncer. HAHAHAHA!  Ok, sorry, just found that funny is all, anyway…to continue…

5.  When you go to tip the dancer, DON’T EVER stick a dollar in her g-string and try to pull out a twenty, again, you will promptly be beaten, and you will deserve it!

6.  Even though you will be most likely pounding drinks, stay in the here and now.  What do I mean by that?  The dancers aren’t there to meet the great love of their life in these places.  If they are, you have to wonder what their motives are don’t you?  Unless you WANT to be taken for everything you have.  I’ve seen it happen people!

7.  Do I really have to say NO HITTING??  Ok then…

8.  I noticed that most of you have nothing to say other than pick up lines.  Save it please.  You are not original, and by no means is it the FIRST time this girl has heard whatever it is you have to say along these lines.  Unless it is her very first day ever.  So please do not say, ” You got the purdiest big ol cow eyes I ever did see!”  or, “Are you a model?”  Trust me, you sound like a retard and like you’ve never even seen a girl before.  Just be yourself and act like a human and that in itself may get you laid.  No promises though. hahaha!

9.  If you are engaging in a private dance in the VIP room, please keep your dick in your pants.  Trust me, the dancer does NOT want to see it, nor in some cases smell it.  Take a bath you dirty bastards!  You know who you are!  Also, pay the girl BEFORE she begins.  She is already earning her money just by having to deal with you. 

10.  If you are sitting at sniffers row, and you have the bright idea to get up on stage with the dancer, JUST DON’T!  I mean, what are you gonna do up there?  Show off that nasty sweater-back of yours, or your hairy man-boobs?  Please spare all of us by just sitting the f*&# down and shutting the f*&# up!!!!  Again, you will get yourself beaten.

Well this is all I can come up with right now, when I think of something else I’ll put it out there to ya.  Oh yeah, the dancers are people too, and they are trying to make a living, so don’t make their job any harder than it already is.  If you think it’s easy money, it is not.  The bottom line…Just don’t be a dick, ok?  If you want to abuse someone then go home and abuse your houseboys!  That’s why you have them!!  Remember????

Well allow me first to preface this article with me saying I’m not racist or bigoted in anyway.  These are simply true stories and observations.  STORIES: I have noticed that when black people say they want equal rights and to be desegregated they tend to not be true to their word.  I have noticed in several situations that when a group of diverse people are put into a situation the blacks tend to segregate themselves.  For instance at work, when in the break room the black associates tend to sit together.  On a bus, I was riding a bus and there was already a black couple sitting together and at a later stop a few more black people got on and decided to sit next to them without having seemed the two groups knew each other.  So, I ask, why did they fight so hard to be desegregated and they still choose to segregate themselves?  STORY/OBSERVATION:  I work with a girl who is going to school to pursue a degree in criminal justice.  She for a paper had to find a newspaper article of a crime/criminal and write 5 pages about the socioeconomic factors of the crime/criminal.  I told her all she had to do was simply find an article where the criminal was a young black man and the paper will basically write itself.  I hate to be brutally honest there but it’s true.  1 in 4 black men below the age of 30 are in jail/prison or have been in jail/prison.  It’s a shame that statistic has to be true.  I feel if more was done to help the family structure of the black community this statistic will dwindle dramatically.

The Giants have just upset the formerly unbeaten New England Patriots 17-14 in Super Bowl XLII.  Nobody gave them a shot going into the playoffs.  This is like Super Bowl III 39 years ago last month in where a team that has been dominant all year loses to a New York team that was peaking at the right time.  They will be turning over cars in the Big Apple tonight.

Often the question is: How did a part Jewish/part Christian girl become a mob boss for the Jewish mafia?  Answer: The Godfather was stepping down. The other family members decided to have a “rock, paper, scissors” competition to see who would be next.  My move in “rock, paper scissors” was a punch to the solar plexus and to the face.  The Godfather liked that.  He said I was “feisty.”

 My next move?  My enforcers.  Interestingly enough, Levy and Newhart weren’t my first enforcers.  David Schwimmer was.  He’s a cold little bastard.  He tried to take out Clooney for me once with a bass fish to the face.  All that did was make Clooney more smug.

There are many reasons why you should fear “The Levy” and this is just the most recent. A man in Mongolia was just found dead, lying face down in a pile of horse dung. Apparently, he had spent most of his day ranting and raving about his hatred for felines. The Mongolian government is acting quickly to enact the Levy law as well as other measures to outlaw defamation of cats. It’s sweeping the whole world! Where will it end? Are the aliens next?

PS : The Jewish Mafia officially denies any claims of activity in Mongolia.

“Degenerate” – I don’t know why.  It’s just awesome.  So descriptive.  So appropriate in so many situations.

The Hollywood writers guild is having a strike.  Apparently since November or something.  Who knew?  I guess it would help if I watched something other than “Cops” episodes.  I wonder if Hollywood has noticed how very disposable they are.  Movies are no longer considered “must see” or “events” anymore.  I haven’t truly enjoyed a Academy award winning movie in quite a while.  “Munich” should be used to torture terrorists in Guantanamo because it’s so bloody boring.  Then again the terrorists would probably like it considering the disgraceful stereotypes of Jews used in that movie.  TV shows just aren’t watched by everyone.  In the 80’s, EVERYONE knew who shot J.R.   Now – “Lost” is apparently the thing to watch, yet I’ve never seen an episode.  Once the writer’s strike is truly felt, the only thing that’ll be on the TV is “Cops” episodes and maybe old “America’s Next Top Model.”  Everyone I know has suddenly decided that they have so much more time when they’re not chained to the TV and aren’t even missing their favorite shows.

I do have a suggestion for the TV network if the strike continues and they need TV show suggestions - they could give Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon a reality show.  They could randomly call people who disagree with them Hitler, go on fake fasts with Jamba Juice, act all self-righteous regarding the global warming, pretend they’re still popular, and buy environmentally friendly toilet paper.  Or they could just drive off a canyon edge ala “Thelma and Louise.”  Call it the best season finale ever!

19903893_1b.jpg

 

So, apparently the internet has been cut off to a significant part of the world’s populations from an off course anchor. While this seems ridiculous to us decadent Americans, we must understand that the rest of the world doesn’t have OC3 connections hooked up to big fat internet pipes. Still, the question arises, should all these poorly served foreigners take advantage of the many benefits and challenges of the internet without first being required to suffer through a period of BBS access, as we did in the early 1990’s. Surely they should be forced to sift through a glut of UFO conspiracy text files and ASCII based multiplayer games before they face the horrors of two girls one cup?

“See, I love minorities! I even touch them!”
2008 Republican Presidential candidate Ron Paul has been mired in a controversy surrounding bigoted statements made in a newsletter distributed under his name. However, a lesser-known controversy involves the Ron Paul blimp (no, not Alex Jones).
Dr. Paul’s supporters have dubbed his candidacy the “Ron Paul REVOLution”, reversing the letters EVOL to form the word “love”, a reference to the years when Dr. Paul practised his love with women as an OB/GYN. They have also raised millions of dollars through “money bombs”, in which Paul backers all dip into their pot funds to donate to his campaign over the course of one day.
Unfortunately for the Texas Congressman, his supporters’ latest endeavour, a large blimp with the messages “Who is Ron Paul?” and “Google Ron Paul” written on the side. has come under scrutiny thanks to the more “colourful” language found on the dastardly dirigible.
Indeed, politically-incorrect slogans such as: “There are no chinks in Dr. Paul’s plan… or Dr. Paul’s America”; “No suffrage for Negroes”; and “Wie können wir lösen die Jüdenfrage?” have appeared on the side of the blimp, which is white.
Dr. Paul’s supporters have brushed off objections to the blimp by donating an estimated $867 jillion dollars to the campaign, a fund-raising record and a numerical impossibility. On his Web site, Dr. Paul’s followers have left messages of support including: “They say that Barack Obama is a champion of change, but Dr. Paul is just so much more pure“; “Everyone I know supports you Dr. Paul, as do most of the voices in my head”; and “9/11 was an inside job.”
It is not yet confirmed whether Dr. Paul intends to continue to allow the blimp to represent him, but upon hearing that there was such an uproar over the offensive messages, Dr. Paul immediately contacted Stormfront and apologised to their membership for any suffering they may have endured as a result of the ordeal.
Picture courtesy of Sir Andrew.

It’s like I’m a big girl now!  But now, I’ve got nothing to say.  Except that I need to stop watching “America’s Next Top Model.”  I’m pretty sure it’s making me stupid, um, stupider.

Well, that was unimpressive…..

So who do you think will win the game on Sunday? I’m thinking it will probably be the Brady Bunch, but who knows. Brady might really have an injured ankle, or maybe the Pats will have an off game. The Giants are pretty good, so it wouldn’t surprise me at all if there were an upset.

It’d be cool for the Pats to have a perfect season though. 

Well lets see… McCain won the 57 delegates from my state here in FL.  I hope to God, this will serve as a wake up call to the conservatives out there that we can not let that stand.  Already it seems that Rush, Hannity, and Coulter have come out in support of Romney.  Let’s hope the people who listen to those people will do the same.  If we (as American citizens) allow that new breed of conservativism to blossom, I fear that the polices and beliefs we’ve come to know and love will be forever tarnished.  It’s also a shame that the governors of FL, TX, and CA who are supposed to be the ulitmate leaders of their Republican Parties for their respective states seem to think this new breed of conservativism is good for the country.  It is not.  It will only bring us more in line with the liberals who think that more & bigger government is the answer.  More taxes, more limits on freedom, less nationality, and enviromentalism is the way to go.  I warn you… it is NOT!  More money needs to be in OUR pockets-not those of the politicians, we need freedom and more nationality to do what we do best–BE AMERICANS!, and enviromentalism-okay I’ll give you that it’s wise to be good stewards of the enviroment, but not at the pace and seemingness of a religon (carbon credits = sin tax)???  We need a business leader in this great nation to run the biggest business of them all… THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.  If there are agencies that need to be fired, do it.  Cost-cutting mesaures… do it.  In summation, Conservatives–WAKE UP!  WAKE UP!  WAKE UP!  This is an imminent situation and all ya’ll need to get out there to VOTE and take this country back before it’s taken from us!

As I’m sure everyone can guess, I’m bummed out because of Rudy dropping out of the race but life goes on. What’s really interesting is the choices we are left with. All four of the remaining viable candidates represent something important. We can choose the oldest person ever to take office, the first Mormon, the first woman, or the first African American. My overly analytical mind can’t help but wonder if this is just sheer coincidence, possibly due to the lack of an incumbent, or if there is something deeper here. As Rudy said, “Change is just a slogan but what kind of change are we looking for”? If there is truly a desire within our society to break new ground, are we going about it the right way? Are the remaining contenders just the ones who happen to have been dealt the best hand or is the mass sub-conscious at work here? Is it some combination of the two? Am I just talking out of my ass? Before you go to the polls, give everyone else a chance to know what you think about it regardless of your position. All that’s at stake is our future.

photo002.jpgI don’t think anyone has yet posted this question, so here it is:  Are houseboys a tax write off???  I mean, do we count them as dependents????  I never thought to ask before.  And how do we get them to stop their incessant whining????????  (Ricardo is such a bitch!!!)

I was watching SportsCenter the other day and one of the co-hosts was Kenny Mayne.  After a short time I realized that he started to remind me of somebody.  And then I realized it.  Kenny Mayne looks like a hybrid of Alan Thicke and Simon Cowell.  I wondered how could something like this possibly happen.  Were the Canadians and the British conspiring against us?  Or was this just a plot by the evil Bushcheneyhitlerburtonmonkeymcstupidhead complex that was designed so he could lead us into an illegal and immoral war against the British and our neighbors to the North?  Anyway the resemblance between Kenny Mayne, and Alan Thicke and Simon Cowell is pretty unnerving.

Anyone with half a brain and decent education in history, economics, sociology and dare I say even psychology would know that the so called “New Deal” put in place by FDR was probably the worst piece of legislation ever enacted in this country. Entitlement programs tell people that they don’t have to be responsible because the government will pick up the slack for them when it most often can’t. I keep hearing the fear mongers telling me that I should be worried because “Socialist” Security is going bankrupt and it won’t be around for my generation when we reach retirement age. SO WHAT?!?! Like I give a flying fuck?!?! The sooner they scrap it, the better. I don’t need the government to look out for my finances and I certainly don’t need them sticking their noses up my ass and stealing half of my money. The “nanny state” isn’t coming. It’s been here for quite some time. This is not to say that there shouldn’t be programs in place to help people with legitimate disabilities who truly can’t help themselves but for any able bodied, able minded person, it’s not only a complete waste of time and money, it violates our personal freedom. Not only are we better equipped to take care of ourselves than the bureaucratic elements of our government are, we’re also better equipped to take care of the needy. So think about this before you cast your vote because if you disagree with me, you’re worse than Karl Marx!

Today is the 50th anniversary of Lego:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080128/lf_afp/lifestyledenmarkcompanygamelegoanniversary;_ylt=AtpLFiDvf8X4.Z7iIFXIioKs0NUE

Legos are the greatest toy – ever.  Have a drink in celebration of Lego.  If only they had the Star Wars Legos when I was a kid.  As soon as I get my hands on an XBox 360, I will be playing the Star Wars Lego games.

There are some sad realitys in tomorrows primary.  First off, the complete meltdown of the Republicans, and the choices that are left to us.  Each of the candidates, with the exception of Chuckleberry and the space alien (Paul) hold some decent qualities, but each to their own is a sad commentary on the choices.  Shit!  They make me long for Bob Dole! 

Add to this the bribe, the stimulace package, and sabotaging the future for some pork today.  Not that I’m complaining, and not that Idon’t like pigs.  In fact,   I’m planning on paying my property/school taxes with this “windfall.”  So it’s like robbing Peter to pay Paul.  IMO, they are both thiefs, so this  kind of a twisted payoff has a rube goldberg logic to it. 

I thought McCain was a good man eight years ago, but I’m not real wild about him today.  Romney holds some fine qualities, but the golly gee stuff makes me cringe.  Rudy?  Poor guy, hasn’t grasped the 20 second sound bite so all he does is yell 9-11, and his message is lost.  IMO, we should draft Sly Stallone, not only will everybody greet him with a yo adrein, but we’ll have some Rambo values to the mix.  Next time Putin tries to pull a fast one,   uh oh! 

And if you don’t sgree with what I say, then you sir, are worse than Heidrich!

Pervalicious [per-vu-lish-us]

-adjective

1. Acknowledged by the individual or individuals in question as unnatural sexual thought, word, or activity but still immensely enjoyed by them.

Wondering where to go for your next vacation? Had enough of Disney and Six Flags? 

Why not try this place: tinyurl.com/2yql7q

Sure Lithuania is a long way to go, but you can’t find a theme park like that in the U.S. The closest thing is probably Greg’s activity pit – but he’s booked solid till 2009!

And there’s nothing like spending a few hours in a Soviet era Gulag to help you appreciate the good life here in the states.

YES, you read it right!

NO, it’s not a joke!

Environuts here in West Virginia are lobbying against the coal industry, trying to make them stop mining for fear of displacing insects of all things. It makes you wonder how far these people will go. What’s next? Save the bacteria? The coal industry itself has responded with an ad campaign featuring a series of commercials running around the clock on almost every channel and airing about once an hour which debunk any concerns. You’d think that would put it to rest but there are too many people of older generations who are lacking a good education and allow themselves to buy into the “Big Evil Coal Company” party-line. I guess we’ll see what happens. I’ll keep you updated, assuming my electricity stays on. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must chop down a tree and slaughter an animal in protest.

I get hungry sometimes. I know it’s wrong but I just can’t help it. When I do get hungry, I like to eat. Again, I know I’m evil so crucify me! One of the things I like to eat when I get hungry is the flesh of dead animals. I know, I know, I’m going to hell! I also like to kill them myself. Yes, I’m Satan himself! I know that the moral thing to do would be to attempt to feed all 6 billion humans on earth with fruits and vegetables alone and ultimately die of starvation but I don’t care. I guess I’m just selfish. Then again, plants are living things too. We can’t eat them. Eat the dirt maybe? No, there are microorganisms. That would be immoral as well. I suppose the only moral thing to do is starve and I disagree so I must be worse than a cannibal. Wait a minute. Is cannibalism the moral thing to do? I don’t know. I just wish I could be as moral as all those wild animals that eat each other. Someone get me PETA on the phone ASAP! I need answers!

PS : Damn that evil food chain!

Mother nature is one sadistic bitch!

MetalGirl1Hi everybody!  I’d like to take the time today to talk about Pervocity, but first I’d like to say this…To all the Nancys out there who I’m about to offend:  GET BENT!  Ok, now that I have that out of the way, I feel better.  I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but the definition of Pervocity differs from person to person.  Everyone has a line that they won’t cross, and if you’ve done something that makes you feel icky inside, you’ve crossed a line.  That said, there are sometimes when crossing the line is a good thing.  The definition given here is my opinion only, based on my own experience.  So all of you who are easily offended, and those who disagree can go F*#$ yourselves!  Now that I’ve alienated my entire audience, I can continue.

Pervocity is a funny thing.  What’s pervy to one person is just Wednesday to someone else.  In my estimation and experience, I have to say that Pervocity is a very good thing.  It gets a really bad rap however by those who take it to a icky place.  For those of us who know how to exercise good judgement, it can be a wicked little adventure!  I have found that the definition lies somewhere between right and wrong, and leans a little more towards the wrong side, but just enough to feel really good.   It’s when you get to that place where you completely lose all inhibition, and just act on instinct.  God I love that!  Anyway, when a person reaches this point there really isn’t much that’s taken off the table.  Indeed there are ways to help get to this point, but I’ll save that one for another post. 

In closing, I will say that Pervocity is different for everyone.  I will also say that in my experience it has been the best when I let my guard down and tried something new and unfamiliar.   In fact, that is my recommendation to anybody who asks.  Within reason of course.  Also, you must have a willing partner! LOL!  Sorry, I just found that funny.  I’m still looking for a partner who’s willing to help me explore female ejaculation! LOL!  No, seriously…anyway, If you’re wondering what the point of this post was, then keep thinking because I’m not sure either.  I guess I needed a place to talk dirty or something.  BTW- Still taking applications for HouseBoy…..Pervocity a must!   

MiddleMan: What’s the worst thing about schools?

MiddleWoman: Parents. Parents are in charge and not the teachers or administration. And when anything happens there’s no backing for the teachers. There’s no accountability for the students. Teachers are accountable for test scores and behavior. It is never the fault of parents or students when the individual students do not succeed. “I pay my taxes, so why aren’t the teachers raising my children?” “I don’t want to be here, so I’m not going to do anything.” The parents want us to take care of their children, but take away any capacity for us to punish them. The administration doesn’t like the hassle of dealing with students who misbehave, so they ignore all but the absolutely worst kids, so all the kids suffer and no one learns anything. My job is to teach them math, not teach them how to behave. Besides once they get (to the seventh grade), they should know how to behave already. But since their parents haven’t bothered to teach them anything because they’re too busy or just can’t be bothered because children take to much effort to raise, the kids are nothing but mean and spiteful little brats who are more interested in being entertained than actually learning anything. I remember when I was in school, the kids who didn’t want to learn were at least quiet and kept to themselves for the most part, they didn’t have to scream and yell and jump around and disturb everybody else. These kids just have no self-control, and mommy and daddy and the administration just don’t understand why their test scores are so bad, even though they want US to be their kids’ parents.

(Note: This was a transcript from asking her, and is edited for content and incoherency, as this is one topic that makes my wife foam at the mouth.)

Here’s a revelation: I’m a 30 year old guy with a great job, no kids that are mine, seven that aren’t — and I’m happy.

Society might think there is something wrong with me because I’m not “following the norm”. By that I mean end up having 1 or 2 kids by different women by the time I’m 21 and working at McDonalds while hanging out with my dealer Eduardo on the side giving him tips on how to evade the police while most of my pay goes to child support…..and I live in my mom’s basement.

For some reason society has painted this picture that if you don’t do the same as everyone else, there is something fundamentally (or just mentally) wrong with you. That’s not so. Remember, if you are pointing your finger at someone you have 4 fingers pointed right back at you — if you’re using your hand, of course.

Society has yet to figure out that just because everyone else does something that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. It’s why assless chaps haven’t caught on — it’s so wrong yet so unbelievably right. We’re in a world where peer pressure trumps everything and if you don’t aren’t following in everyone’s footsteps then you’re going to be a failure in life — when in fact it’s the other way around. Let them sit there and work minimum wage jobs, knock up women, live with their parents and drop out of school — after all it’s the cool thing to do. While they’re doing that, I’ll be laughing at them. A lot. It’s what happens when I go into a store and see these young couples with 3 kids hanging of the sides of the shopping cart, running around, screaming and you know if you add the couple’s ages together it still doesn’t equal my houseboy Hung Lo. That should be telling.

This is why I prefer not having any of my own — for now. The ones that aren’t right now I can just return.

I must go. Eduardo just called me and asked me to meet him in the alley behind the Swift Stick. It must be something good.

Looking for opinions:

What happened to REAL AMERICA? The America as a country celebrated Christmas, the America were everyone wanted to be and PROUD to be AMERICAN.

What has happened and happening to this GREAT COUNTRY?

Why is the USA scrapping its tradition and roots?

Will we survive?

What makes you happy? Some of the things that make me happy are food, booze, sex and, of course, Red Eye but I wouldn’t want to be happy 100% of the time and I’ll tell you why. If someone were to be happy all the time, how would they even know it much less be able to appreciate it? How can you know that you’re happy if you don’t know what it’s like to feel like shit? Without the darkness, how would we recognize the light? Do you think a manual laborer is happy when he’s on the job? The answer is no but he’s happy when he gets home from work because he knows that he’ll be able to have dinner with his family, play with his kids, drink a few beers while watching the game and have sex with his wife before he goes to bed. So in a sense he’s happy to be miserable half of the day just so that he can enjoy the other half. So here’s my theory. Half the day one should eat, drink, fuck, be merry, jump for joy and say HALLELUJAH!!! The other half should be spent doing things one absolutely hates doing while constantly griping and bitching about how much the world sucks! If no one does the dirty work or complains about the problems, nothing will ever get better. In fact, things will only get worse and then you’ll feel like shit all the time. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to wash the dishes, vacuum the carpet, do the laundry, clean out the gutters, scream at my neighbors about their bratty kids, file a few lawsuits and write all kinds of angry emails. I’ll be back later with a steak dinner, a glass of wine and a housegirl. Her name is Catalina and she does things that porn stars can’t even do.

If I was a pack of cards, my deck would always be stacked.
This Sunday, and hopefully every Sunday, I’m going to be hosting a caged-troll thread over at my blog. So find the best trolls out there today, or create your own venom spewing alter-ego, and go absolutely hog-wild. I’m a big believer in the day of rest, and what better way to kick back and have a few laughs than to laugh at the most ridiculous people out there?

First off, I’d like to thank Dog for allowing me this great privilege, and responsibility.  So, for my first post on the CrackHouse, I’d like to play a little game.  I want you to read a little article I came across and tell me what seems, well a little weird.

Well, so much for that idea.  I could’ve sworn that I read an article from the AP about the possibility Senators would interject or reject the stimulus package pretty much agreed upon by the House and the President.

The interesting thing of note in that article was the fact that the author (a female, I can’t place her name now, however) had placed the ages of all the major players in the article in parenthesis behind their names, even though it seemed hardly relevant to the article.

So, the new game is: did anyone else see this article?  Where did it go?  More importantly, how often are articles from the major news sources removed from the net?  Or have I just slipped into one one of those hallucinatory states yet again?

Is anyone else concerned about Keith Olbermann’s impersonation of Edward R. Murrow.  How does he get off saying “Good Night and Good Luck.”  Eddie R.  covered the blitz in London.  Olbydouche kisses John Dean’s backside.  He even turns away from the camera like Murrow did.  He must really think on some sick level that he is Edward R. Murrow.  Am I the only one that’s seriously creeped out by this?

From a news  report:

Groping and verbal harassment is an exasperating reality for women using public transportation in this sprawling capital, where 22 million passengers cram onto subways and buses each day. Some men treat women so badly that the subway system has long had ladies-only cars during rush hour, with police segregating the sexes on the platforms.

But that hasn’t helped women forced to rely on packed buses, by far the city’s most-used form of public transportation – until this week.

Acting on complaints from women’s groups, the city rolled out “ladies only” buses, complete with pink signs in the windshields to wave off the men.

Could something like this possibly “fly” here in the U.S. where everything these days has to be politically correct? How long would it be before a male “Rosa Parks” stepped forward to insist on a seat, and then quickly file a lawsuit? The lawyers would be lined up around the block in minutes.

Thought it was an interesting story.

It’s no secret to anyone with their ear to the ground that corporate interests and politicians on both sides are slowly but surely seeking to unite the entire North American continent into some sort of European Union style entity. Their reasoning being that it’s the only way we can survive economically given the formation of the EU and the rise of China and India. Now we all know that’s a load of bullshit but there’s an even bigger concern here. The Democrats policy towards radical Islam is appeasement. If they win the White House and maintain control of the legislature, we’ll all soon be living under Sharia law and being force fed al Qur’an. Of course, it would probably have a more official sounding title like “The Islamic North American Union”. I just thought mine sounded catchier. I hope I can find a good sale on burqas. I have an awful lot of housegirls.

Whichever you prefer, there are certain rules for keeping them and they’re different for either or.

I like to keep both myself but that’s beside the point.

For Houseboys : Beat them regularly, feed them only enough to keep them alive and never let them leave the basement.

There’s a reason why locks were invented people.

For Housegirls : Feed them well but not too much unless you like them fat.

Buy them plenty of flowers, jewelry, legwarmers, whips, chains, stuffed animals, etc.

Piss them off only enough to get the right amount of masochistic pleasure you want.

These rules are tried and true.

Trust me!

Teen Detained Intended to Hijack Plane, Crash Into ‘Hannah Montana’ Concert

WSMV and WTVF in Nashville reported the teenager boarded the plane in possession of handcuffs, rope and duct tape with intentions to hijack the plane.

So that’s where that stuff went. I was wondering

I might be sounding old, immature and what-not but I speak for every living American who just doesn’t get or see the appeal in Hannah Montana (until she turns 18 and can do porn) when I say that this probably would have been the most exciting thing to ever happen at a Hannah Montana concert. Of course we would be in trouble if that did happen, have Hannah crawl out of the rubble, find the person who did it and beat them to death with her singing. So this would be a mission that could obviously have excruciating consequences.

I guess that’s enough from me. I gotta run to Target to replace the missing handcuffs, rope and duct tape.

Anyone who watches the business shows or Glenn Beck is sure to have heard of growing concerns about a pending economic crisis. This is something that I’m honestly uncertain about. The economy both nationally and globally is a strange, complicated beast with all kinds of twitches. So I want to know what the rest of you think. Are we headed for a 30s style depression? Are we headed for a 70s style recession? Will we continue to see the awesome growth we’ve seen in recent decades? If there are cloudy skies on the horizon, will our government fix it? How will they fix it? Can they even do so? Is it all just hype? If there is impending doom, parts of my solution would be to scrap the IRS, scrap the “Socialist” Security Administration and go to a flat sales tax of a quarter on the dollar. Although, those are all things I think we should do anyway. So hide you wallets, weigh in and don’t be afraid to disagree because it’s the economy stupid!

Today was a really fun day at DG, wasn’t it? I just wanted to make a few clarifications. I honestly couldn’t care less what anyone else does or doesn’t believe. I’m just sick and tired of being insulted by the Christian bashers whose only motivation is to convince themselves that there are no consequences to their actions. In that sense, they are the true “God fearing people” because acceptance of religion would mean that they would have to change their evil ways. As long as the overwhelming majority of the people in the world hold some sort of religious belief, the cowards will worry that they are wrong and that there really is a God. So they try to undermine theology in the hope that they can turn the rest of us into non-believers and feel better about themselves. Believe it or not (pardon the pun), I have friends and family members who are atheists and agnostics but they are not God fearing because they don’t go around persecuting those who do have faith and they show respect for it. So the next time you see one of these crybabies whining because mommy made them go to church when they were little, remind them that they will NEVER change the hearts and minds of the masses and that they should stop wasting their time trying to. The war on Christianity will fail. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to pray. Then I’ll be back to play!

PS. I’m once again annoyed with a certain individual at DG who apparently thinks that it’s acceptable for a hateful troll to make slanderous insults about an entire group (in said case, the worlds largest religion) but it’s not acceptable for a benevolent person to make negative yet accurate descriptions of a single individual who is a troll. It’s beyond hipocrisy and that really, really isn’t funny!

Tonight the latest in the vast sea of shitty “reality” shows, The Moment of Truth started. It’s supposed to be a show that puts people on a polygraph, they get asked embarassing questions to find out what they really think and depending on his answer and whether he’s lying or not his family either disowns him or his family disowns him. Or her. There really is no winners here, except those of us who have normal lives and don’t feel the need to air every little problem we have in front of god and everyone for 10 minutes of airtime on national TV. Want to get on TV? Be one of those people who go up behind a reporter and start waving on the 6 o’clock news. At least then you’re only being stupid to your own and your own surrounding cities.

Reality tv has shown what extremes people will do for two things: money and fame. When the reality is, all of those people are simply forgettable. I have a better chance at remembering the last person I flipped off at a traffic light than I do hearing about a guy who admits on a polygraph test that he somehow had sex with the tailpipe on his car. That’s not news. We all know how to do that. Meanwhile, I can remember that bitch cutting me off and then giving her the finger better than her husband probably could.

I should show them how to do an entertaining reality show. It would take place at my place and parents could bring their kids. If by kids you mean contestants. America, let me show you what a real reality show is.

As we all know by now, 28 year old actor Heath Ledger was found dead but does anyone really care? Would any average person have sympathy for Ledger or his family? In fact, isn’t the real truth that most everyday folks have become so detached from the Hollywood world that they actually take pleasure in watching celebrities self-destruct? After all, these people are given everything in life and Joe six pack is naturally jealous. They’re rich, famous, beautiful, talented, influential and what do they do with it all but destroy themselves or land their asses in jail? Now I certainly don’t want to see anyone die but I’m certainly not shedding any tears either. If Heaths loved ones need someone to mourn alongside them and feel sorry for them, they can call Rosie. She might offer to let them move in with her. I can already see the tabloid headlines.

Today while visiting a couple of classrooms, recruiting potential future houseboys I observed something. No, not how some of them winced when they saw me. I saw an example of how great kids have it today. Growing up, teachers and my parents would always say, “I’m going to count to…..”. The number that usually ended that sentence was usually 3 or 10, depending on who was doing the counting, the mood they were in and whether they could still breathe. Today in a room the teacher said “I’m going to count to 60.”

60.

Sixty.

I never had it that great as a kid. I was raised on 3 and 10. The most I’ll still count to today is 20 and that’s because one of my basement steps is broken and I don’t want any guests to fall. Those kids in the future are in for a rude awakening when that number starts getting lower. 60. 20. 10. 5. 3. I figure when they get older and the numbers get smaller, they’ll start crying.

Well, at least that’s what I’ll tell the authorities….once I hide the whips and leather straps.

We’ve all heard this phrase before. Even after EvilAlienVampireCommieBitch’s historically humiliating first use of it in defense of Slick Willy who was later proven guilty, she and others have continued to throw it around even to this day. So just who is involved in the vast right wing conspiracy and what is their agenda?  Are they conspiring to lower our taxes? Are they conspiring to defeat the terrorist threat? The list goes on and on. So, if you’re a member of the vast right wing conspiracy, send me an email. Better yet, stop by my house. I want to join you. I have lots of houseboys and housegirls for you guys to play with. I’ve been searching for you for nearly a decade and I still can’t find you. As a resourceful person, I find that ironic. Don’t forget to be worse than Hitler!

As I’ve previously said at DG, doing a study is the truest liberal artform. All it does is waste all kinds of time, energy and taxpayer dollars just to tell us something that common sense already has. For instance, do we really need scientific research to tell us that men care more about physical attractiveness when choosing a mate than what women do? My answer is a great big HELL NO and if you disagree with me, you’re worse than Professor Gore.

I’m just starting out so there aren’t any real stories yet. I’m more than happy to allow all trusted members of the GutGang to post not only comments but even threads as well as wipe comments from trolls. I’d like to keep a tone which is generally similar to that of The Daily Gut. Please use the same handles and keep it civilized.